


Growing Apart

by Hopelesssimpleton



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, College, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Jealous Iwaizumi Hajime, Jealousy, Learning and Growing, M/M, Minor Injuries, My First Work in This Fandom, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Slow Dancing, Slow Romance, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, iwaoi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:41:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29485428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopelesssimpleton/pseuds/Hopelesssimpleton
Summary: “You’re an idiot” said Hajime. “You’re a big idiot” he sighed, Oikawa nodded. After a few seconds of silence, Hajime continued saying, “Please be kind to yourself Toru. I need you to get it into your head that everything in life needs to be in moderation. I need you to start treating yourself with the same empathy you treat others, and lastly, I need you to stop thinking that you’re not good enough. You may not be a natural born genius, but you are an amazing player” Oikawa was once again stunned to silence, and if he felt butterflies in his stomach, no one needed to know. Especially not Iwa. He truly didn’t know what to say, so he simply nodded his head once again, and hoped that reply would be good enough for his best friend.________________________Alternative summary: Oikawa is deeply in love with his best friend but Iwaizumi is too dense to notice. After a series of unfortunate events and misunderstandings, they begin to grow apart; only to find each other again after two long years. They'll have to learn how to be around each other again, and this time Iwaizumi won't let the misunderstandings get in between them.. or at least try.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 33





	1. Conflicting Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is written based on the characters from Haikyuu!! However, it is completely separate from the original story and anime plot. Please keep in mind that this is just for fun, and the characters relationships are not real in the actual anime (at least it hasn’t been confirmed) Please refrain from obsessing, and taking things too far. I mean that in the nicest way possible. Shipping is one thing, but some people take it to an extreme :/ 
> 
> That being said, I hope you can all enjoy reading this fanfic. English is not my first language but I will try my best not to make too many errors, please excuse my lack of vocabulary. This is my first fanfic so I will be taking valid criticism and suggestions when it comes to writing :)

Oikawa Toru was not stupid. He might act clueless and absent minded, but he was just as smart off the court, as he was on it. Being oblivious was not something he experienced often. He knew his feelings all too well, but he had a hard time dealing with them. Perhaps it had a lot to do with how hard he was on himself, always pushing way past his limits. That alone made him become self aware, in order to correct or avoid anything that was shorter than perfect. Showing any sign of weakness was not an option for him, so he often retorted to hiding his feelings. No matter what they were, if they became too troublesome for him, his feelings were better off tucked away in the deepest part of his mind and heart. In Oikawa’s mind, it was easier to suppress them inside and keep them there, all to himself, where no one but him would be bothered or affected by them. Hiding his feelings was the only way Oikawa knew how to keep things under control, so naturally, when he became aware of the romantic feelings he felt for his best friend, he decided that it was best to not say anything. What you don’t know can’t hurt you right? He figured that by not saying anything, their friendship would remain unchanged. That being said, just because he wanted to hide his feelings, it didn’t mean that he would become oblivious to them. Oikawa knew it all too well, he knew how in love he was. He knew that Hajime was everything to him, that just looking into his beautiful green eyes was enough to have him doing backflips, he knew just how much the other boy meant to him. Despite the happiness that being aware of his feelings brought him, deep down he wished to have never found out. 

The first time Oikawa became aware of his feelings for Iwaizumi was during their first year of High School. It was a cold winter night, and Iwa had barged into the school gym, evidently annoyed. Practice had ended two hours prior, and Iwa had left immediately after. Oikawa stayed behind to clean up, promising him that he would go home after cleaning. Obviously that did not happen. Oikawa had lost track of time while practicing his serves, he didn’t notice the time until Iwa barged in. Whatever he was doing back at the gym Oikawa didn’t know, but he did not look happy. He ended up dragging Oikawa home, away from the gym after very long hours of practice. Oikawa of course, complained the entire way home, even after his best friend had smacked his head multiple times.

“Iwa-chann” Oikawa whined

“What?” Iwaizumi snapped back, anger lacing his voice. At that, Oikawa flinched. It wasn’t unusual for the shorter male to show irritation towards him, but this time he could really tell that he was furious. 

After a few seconds of silence, Iwaizumi sighed. He let go of Oikawa’s wrist and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “Toru..” he started, voice low as if he was scared Oikawa would flinch again. “Do you not see what you’re doing to yourself? You just injured your knee last week. You can’t keep pushing yourself like this, it’s not healthy.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “I know you think this will help you in the future, but if you continue to overwork yourself like this, eventually you’ll get seriously injured and that will cut your career short.” 

Oikawa was stunned to silence. He didn’t know what to say. Sure, Iwa had scolded him about this before, it’s not like this was new to him. What was new however, was the way he was speaking to him. Hajime was always loud, and angrily shouting at him whenever he would scold him. This time, he was calm. His voice was soft, dripping with genuine concern and quite frankly, it made Oikawa’s heart skip a beat. Not that the other times he was scolded Hajime wasn’t being seriously concerned, he always was. There was just something different this time. Not to mention, Iwa was calling him by his given name. He rarely ever did that. He only did that on special occasions like his birthday, or Christmas, or when he was feeling very happy. This feeling was unfamiliar to him, it felt foreign. It didn’t feel like the usual friendly love/fight dynamic they shared, and Oikawa was mortified. 

“Im sorry Iwa-Chan” Toru hung his head low, unable to look his best friend in the eyes. He knew what the other male said was true. His insecurities were usually masked by his overwhelming confidence, so hidden from the surface that almost no one would be able to tell what was really going on inside his head. Somehow, Iwa always managed to read past any wall or mask Oikawa could put up front. To Oikawa, it always felt normal. That was part of the dynamic of their friendship, knowing each other so well that they could see beyond what anybody else could. At that moment though, Oikawa didn’t find it so normal and maybe he was freaking out a bit on the inside. All the newfound realizations were beginning to feel overwhelming, and all he wanted to do was go home, hide in his room, and figure this mess of feelings out by himself. 

Hajime pulled him in for a hug, and Oikawa may have melted into a puddle of liquid if they weren’t in the middle of a freezing winter night. 

“You’re an idiot” said Hajime. “You’re a big idiot” he sighed, Oikawa nodded. After a few seconds of silence, Hajime continued saying, “Please be kind to yourself Toru. I need you to get it into your head that everything in life needs to be in moderation. I need you to start treating yourself with the same empathy you treat others, and lastly, I need you to stop thinking that you’re not good enough. You may not be a natural born genius, but you are an amazing player” Oikawa was once again stunned to silence, and if he felt butterflies in his stomach, no one needed to know. Especially not Iwa. He truly didn’t know what to say, so he simply nodded his head once again, and hoped that reply would be good enough for his best friend. 

After a few minutes, they started walking home again. The anger Iwaizumi was feeling had dissipated, and Oikawa was becoming increasingly nervous by the second. What is this? Why do I feel all giddy? What the hell is happening to me? Those were the thoughts circling inside his head. 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity to Oikawa, they arrived at the intersection where they parted ways. Iwaizumi turned to him and said, “Other people may not see what really goes on inside that stupid head of yours, but I do, and If i have to smack all that nonsense out of there, i won’t hold back.” Iwaizumi smirked after saying that, and as if on reflex, Oikawa replied “Iwa-Chan!!! Have you no shame? Would you really smack me mercilessly like that?” Iwaizumi gave him a knowing look. “What am I even asking, of course you would. You’ve been doing that all these years already” Oikawa said, rolling his eyes. The shorter male just smiled at him and said, “See you tomorrow, shittykawa” as he turned, walking away in the direction of his home. Oikawa mumbled under his breath something along the lines of “Mean Iwa” and headed the opposite direction, pouting all the way home.

____________________________________

At first, Oikawa had decided to ignore all those ridiculous thoughts that surged from that night. In his mind, if he pretended nothing was happening, the newfound feelings would go away. Of course, that is not the way things worked. Feelings are a complex concept, and Oikawa was experiencing just how tricky they could be. It was hard to understand, he could simply not grasp it. All the things that Iwaizumi and him did before, were starting to carry more weight in Oikawa’s heart. The more he thought about it, the more clear it became to him. That night marked a before and after of the way he felt about his best friend. 

After months of pushing feelings down, and denying the obvious attraction he was feeling towards his best friend, Oikawa finally accepted the truth. It was evident to him that his romantic feelings for Iwa would not go away any time soon. So When their second year of high school came around, Oikawa decided that he had done enough beating around the bush. No longer denying the painful truth, he accepted it, and that is how he found himself loving his best friend for a good two years, and still running.

After those two years, nothing had changed between the two of them. They still bickered, they still hung out like usual, their relationship had remained mostly unchanged. Hajime seemed to know every single thing about Oikawa, yet he still somehow didn’t know about his feelings. Either Toru had done and excellent job at hiding his undying love, or Hajime had long noticed and decided to ignore it in order to spare him from inevitable heartbreak. Either way, when Oikawa’s feelings were added to their equation; It was almost like an invisible wall was placed between them. 

That wall was the reminder of how different the duo’s feelings were for each other. Just because he had admitted his own feelings didn’t mean that the other male felt the same way, and Oikawa was 100% sure of that. Iwaizumi was NOT interested in guys. They had had conversations about it, and Iwaizumi had completely cancelled out the possibility, breaking Oikawa’s heart in the process. “I could never be with a man. I just don’t see myself like that you know?” Is what he had told Oikawa. Now, it’s not like he considered himself gay. He was at a weird spot with his sexuality, still figuring it out. The only guy he has ever been interested in was Iwa. He didn’t think that made him gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that, he just didn’t identify with the term. Clearly, Oikawa had more issues going on besides his feelings for Iwa. Far too many problems to deal with, and as if that wasn’t enough, Iwaizumi had gotten himself a girlfriend at the start of their second year. They dated all the way until their third year, breaking up because they each wanted to focus on their future and take school more seriously. Oikawa personally didn’t have a problem with her. She was a very sweet, nice girl and they got along pretty well. Ever since the two started dating however, Oikawa distanced himself from his best friend. Partly because he did not want to intrude in his relationship, and partly to spare his own feelings. It’s not like anything had changed, they just spent less time with each other. Everything else had stayed the same, his feelings included, to his demise.

Truth be told, he was happy for his friend, but every time he saw them together something inside him died a little. His feelings became so overwhelming at one point, that he had to confide in his friends Hanamaki, and Matsukawa about the whole thing. They were very supportive about it, even now almost at the end of their third year, they were still helping Oikawa figure things out. Most importantly they had kept it a secret, and he was very grateful for that. Now, almost three months away from graduation, Oikawa decided to finally rid himself of such heavy weight on his shoulders, and confess his feelings.

Well not exactly, but close enough. The plan was simple. He would talk to Iwaizumi about having feelings for a guy, and depending on how things went, maybe he would actually confessed to his best friend. What Oikawa was hoping for, was to perhaps awaken some feelings in Iwa. Perhaps if he knew that Oikawa liked a guy, that would snap something within him and maybe consider the possibility of liking a guy too, specifically Oikawa. That being said, things could not be that simple. That scenario was a Fantasy Oikawa could only dream of. He knew all too well that wouldn’t happen. Regardless of whether or not Iwaizumi ended up liking him, admitting that he liked a guy would still take a huge weight off his back. He was sure that no matter what, his best friend wouldn’t judge him. After all, he was the person whom he trusted the most. Iwaizumi had always been a great friend to him. Even if he didn’t end up confessing his feelings, admitting to liking a guy alone would really help Oikawa get rid of some of his anxiety about the whole situation. He knew that, when all was said and done, he could always trust his best friend with anything. Besides, Iwa’s cousin; Keiji had come out to his family and introduced them to his boyfriend a few months back. They were all supportive of him, Iwaizumi included. So that really wasn’t something Oikawa had to worry about. What he was concerned about was something else. 

He was sitting on a bench at practice, when Makki suddenly approached him. 

“You’re spacing out again” he said, holding a water bottle out for him, Oikawa took it. 

“Is it that obvious?” He asked, after chugging down half the water. 

“Painfully” Makki replied, sitting down next to him. “You know, you’ve been pretty obvious these past two years. Your feelings for him are so evident, I really don’t know how he hasn’t noticed” Makki said with a snort. Oikawa looked at him, worry written all over his face. 

“Please don’t say that, you’re scaring me even more than I already am. I really tried hard to hide it, if he finds out he’s probably gonna feel weird about it ” at that moment, Makki turned to him with a scowl and said, “Oikawa the boy is in love with you. He just doesn’t realize it yet. Needs a little push” Oikawa almost laughed in his face. Iwa? In love with him? Chances were low. Painfully low. “Have you decided to tell him What we talked about?” Makki asked, looking at him with hope in his eyes. “Yeah I’ll tell him” and at that, Makki beamed with happiness. “What are you waiting for then? You’ve been pondering this for a whole two weeks!” Oikawa sighed at that, It was complicated. He didn’t know how to say it, what words to use, would he even be able to look him in the eyes after that? Possibly not. Even if he did end up getting support from Iwa, like he suspected, there was always the possibility that Iwa could find out about his feelings from that alone, and Oikawa was not ready for that. “I’ll do it okay? It’s just complicated. I need time to figure out how to do things properly” after that Iwaizumi walked up to the bench and they quickly changed the conversation. It wasn’t so subtle, definitely didn’t go unnoticed by the other. He gave them a confused look, but walked away after drinking some water. To say that Oikawa almost shit himself was an understatement. Letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, he thought to himself.. 

This is going to be much harder than I thought.


	2. Deep Concerns

After the little bench situation from earlier, Iwaizumi spent almost the entire practice eyeing Oikawa. It’s almost like he knew something, and Oikawa was nervous. He was already feeling enough pressure from trying to confess to the other boy, sort of, but there were other things he was worrying about. Final exams were coming up, college entrance preparations, his confusion about his sexuality, the many offers he was getting from volleyball league teams and not knowing which to choose, the uncertainty of what he was going to do after high school. There was just too much going on with him. His head felt like it was about to explode, and he could already feel a nasty migraine coming. He needed to chill for a bit. To just breathe and relax, let all of his worries slip away at least for one night. He could tell that Iwa wanted to talk to him about his strange behavior, and that was something he could not handle at the moment. He could feel his anxiety rising, breathing more heavy than usual, his head beginning to pound from the migraine. As soon as practice was over Oikawa darted out of the gym. He changed quickly and left the locker room as fast as his legs allowed him. That was very unusual for him. Usually, he would be the last person to leave the gym, taking up more practice time than anyone else. 

Oikawa’s behavior didn’t go unnoticed. After seeing him act like that, the club members were surprised to say the least. Some of them were eyeing each other with questioning looks, some turned around to look at the upperclassmen wondering if they knew what was going on, and some of them simply shrugged it off and ignored the strange behavior. With his curiosity taking over him, Iwaizumi approached Makki to inquire about what was wrong with Oikawa. He was very worried about the taller male. He had been acting strange the past few weeks. Usually, Iwa would be able to know what was going on inside Oikawa’s mind, but this time, he had absolutely no clue.

“Hey Makki, what’s wrong with Oikawa? What were you talking about earlier that made him look so tense?” Iwaizumi asked. Makki looked at him and chuckled nervously, “He’s just stressed about finals and college, you know how he tends to overthink” Although Makki’s response sounded valid, Iwaizumi knew that there must’ve been something else on his best friend’s mind. Makki was a terrible liar and Iwa could tell that they must’ve been talking about something else. He had decided to talk to Oikawa about it after exams were over by the end of next week. He had a feeling it would be something complicated and he didn’t want to stress Oikawa out during the exams period.

Oikawa headed straight to the bakery after leaving school. He purchased an insane amount of milk bread and went straight home, hoping not to run into Iwa on the way there. Thankfully, he didn’t. After getting home, he took a hot shower and drank some mint tea. He had already calmed down, his anxiety was beginning to dissipate, and his mind was settling into a more calm state, migraine no longer there. He begun studying for his upcoming exams, eating his milk bread while doing so. The information from his text books and notebooks was absorbed into his mind and he was no longer thinking about his unlimited amount of problems. After a few hours of diligently studying, he decided to head to bed, drifting into a deep slumber rather quickly. All the stress he was under apparently had tired him out, it wasn’t a surprise that he had knocked out almost immediately. Weeks of accumulated stress and anxiety definitely ought to tire him out, and with good reason too. That night, Oikawa slept more relaxed than he had in the past two weeks. It wasn’t like his problems had disappeared or anything, but going home early and the distraction of schoolwork had really helped him take his mind off of things. 

____________________________________

Oikawa had spent the entire weekend studying. He purposely avoided looking at his phone all weekend. For the most part, he wanted to focus only on studying, but not thinking about Iwaizumi was a sweet bonus. Granted, the boy never really left his mind, but since he wasn’t talking to him, or seeing him, he wasn’t as stressed as he had been on Friday. Oikawa arrived at school on Monday, ready for morning practice. Today he was acting like his usual self. He was glad that no one had brought up his strange behavior, especially Iwa. Practice went rather smoothly and ended 15 minutes before 8:00 am. They boys headed to the locker room, some of them cramming last minute study to prepare for exams.

The entire week passed in a blur, and with that, exams were over. One less thing for Oikawa to worry about. He was sure he did okay, he prepared a lot for exams and it had payed off. It was now Friday and with the distraction of studying no longer there, Oikawa was back to stressing about his problems. Iwaizumi and him were walking home after practice. They were talking about a family dinner their parents were having together. Apparently, they wanted to celebrate the many years of friendship between the two families, as well as congratulate the two boys on finishing their exams and heading to college. Granted, they still had over two months of school left. They hadn’t even decided what they were going to do after high school. Well, Oikawa hadn’t decided. Iwaizumi already had it figured out apparently. He was going to attend university in Tokyo and major in Sports Science. Reason being, he wanted to become an athletic trainer. Although Oikawa didn’t know exactly what he would do, he knew that most likely he would go to Tokyo as well, and balance out university and professional Volleyball. He also had something else in mind, but was still giving it some serious thought. It was all still uncertain though. He was still waiting on a college response. 

“Hey crappykawa, don’t think I’ve forgotten. We have a serious talk pending” Iwaizumi said, and Oikawa quickly looked away. “What are you talking about Iwa? There’s nothing to talk about” Oikawa was not ready to talk about last week. Not tonight at least. 

Iwaizumi scoffed “you’ve been acting strange lately. I can tell something is stirring inside your head but i don’t know what it is. So you’re just gonna have to tell me” Oikawa just sighed, the shorter male continued “Besides, you still haven’t told me what you’re doing after we graduate. We need to talk about those things, they’re important.” Iwaizumi was right. They hadn’t talked about Oikawa’s future yet. In all fairness, if he knew what he would be doing, he would have told him already. It’s not like he intended to hide anything. Of course his feelings were an exception to that statement. He intended to hide those and take them to the grave with him, if possible. 

Oikawa replied, voice defeated “That’s because I still don’t know Iwa. If I knew I, would tell you” 

“How do you not know? We’re almost at the end of our senior year dumbass” Oikawa didn’t reply to that. He just sighed and looked away. They would be seeing each other the next day at the family dinner, so Oikawa didn’t bother to make an effort for more conversation, which was extremely out of character for him. At the moment though, he really didn’t care. He had a lot on his mind and could already feel himself stressing about all of it. They continued walking home in silence, bidding goodbye at the intersection. Iwaizumi stared at Oikawa as he walked away. He was worried about him. No snarky comments? No sarcastic replies? No teasing? He really wasn’t being himself. If there was one thing that was worse than annoyingkawa, it was anxiouskawa. Iwaizumi needed to do something quickly, before Oikawa’s mental state worsened. He started walking home, pondering on what could be so bad that it has seemingly taken down the great king. Could it be that he was indecisive about his future? Was that really enough to stress him out like that? Either way, Iwaizumi was determined to have a serious conversation with his best friend. He wanted to help, but that would only happen if the other opened up about his concerns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading guys! Y’all make my days T.T


	3. Disappointment

Oikawa woke up at around 9:00 am that Saturday morning. He had went to sleep a little bit past 12 the previous night. After he got home from practice, he had taken a long hot shower, and watched some movies after having dinner. Volleyball season had ended so the third years were no longer required to attend Saturday’s practice. He figured that he could go to sleep a little late since he had nothing to do the next day. Not in the morning at least. He decided to go for a morning run after waking up, ran a few miles and then came back home to shower and have some breakfast. Oikawa was feeling rather calm that particular morning. It felt strange, like calm before the storm, and he quickly found out why he felt that way. It was around 5:00 pm, about an hour before Iwaizumi arrived with his parents for dinner. Oikawa’s father called him into his office. He wanted to talk about Oikawa’s future, or rather, he wanted to know what Oikawa had decided for his future. His parents weren’t the kind to force their children to choose a certain career or lifestyle, but they wanted to be sure that both their kids were doing something productive. Something that would lead them to feel accomplished and would keep them afloat later down in life. They had done a good job with their first daughter. She had gone off to college to major in business management, married a good hardworking man with a similar career and even had a son. They were leading a very stable and healthy life. In the eyes of his parents, their daughter had done an excellent job. They were very proud of her life decisions, not that they would disown her had she taken a different path, but they were happy about the way she had turned out. To them, Oikawa had a very promising future as well. Wether it be volleyball or any other career he decided to choose, they knew that their son would have a very bright future. After all, they prided themselves in the way they had raised him. He grew up to be a very hardworking, dedicated, smart young man. The expectations added some pressure to Oikawa, but he was glad to have such supportive parents. When he went into his dad’s office, he didn’t expect the conversation to go so poorly. 

“Son, I want to begin by saying that both your mother and I are very proud of you. You have done a splendid job all these years. Taking volleyball so serious, maintaining your grades up in school, we truly believe that you are the best son we could possibly have.” Hearing his father say that almost made Oikawa tear up. 

“Thank you dad, im happy to hear that from you” Oikawa replies honestly. Contrary to what people believed, he was very insecure about many things. Hearing his father talk about him in that way made his heart swell. 

His father gave him a warm smile and continued, “I know there is still some time left in school, but your mother and I trust that you have already decided what your next step is?” Ah there it is, there is the storm. Oikawa didn’t expect that to be what this conversation was about but maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing? Perhaps talking to his father about his concerns would help? It couldn’t possibly turn out that bad. His father was a very supportive and understanding man after all. 

“Actually dad..” he began “I still haven’t decided. I know there’s little time left but I just.. I’ve been having trouble choosing what to do next. I’m glad you brought this up, i was actually hoping to get some opinions?” His father looked at him confused. “Oh.. you still haven’t decided?” He asked, clearly taken a back. Oikawa couldn’t help but think that he had disappointed him, he simply shook his head and averted his eyes. 

“Son, I— I mean.. your mother and I just assumed.. well Hajime’s parents talked to us and said that he had already decided what to do next. We assumed you had as well, you’ve always done things together after all. You had so many options too, by now you should already know.” somehow that irritated Oikawa. His parents— no both of their parents, Hajime’s as well. They always treated them like they were the same person. It wasn’t a surprise really, after all, they always did things together. It still made Oikawa angry. He didn’t look at it this way before, but now he felt like his parents didn’t think he was a person separate from Hajime. Just because he had an easy time deciding his entire future didn’t mean that Oikawa had to know too. Hajime didn’t have to worry about the things that Oikawa was concerned about, it felt unfair to put them both on the same scale. Maybe he was being irrational but he couldn’t help it. 

“I’m not Hajime dad, we are two different people” Oikawa replied, trying to mask his annoyance. His father didn’t pick up on it and continued “I know that Toru. I never said you were the same. Moreover, don’t you think it’s about time you know what to do with your life? Your sister knew since the beginning of her third year” he said with a more stern tone. “I’m not my sister either, would it kill you to stop comparing me to other people?” Oikawa replied, clearly irritated. While he couldn’t really complain about his parents, they had this tendency to compare Oikawa to other people. It really bothered him especially, at times like this when all he wanted was a little guidance. His father stayed in silence for a few seconds, seemingly surprised by what his son had said. 

“You need to watch your tone Toru. I will not sit here and let you disrespect me like that, I am your father.” 

“Well if you weren’t comparing me to people, I wouldn’t have to speak to you with a tone” Oikawa was not backing down. Maybe it was all the stress getting to him, and this just happened to be the drop that made his cup overflow. 

“Oikawa Toru you need to watch what you say young man.” 

“Can you at least listen to what I have to say dad?” 

“No need, I heard plenty. You’re just being ridiculous, what has you acting this bratty?” His father’s voice was so loud, his mother came into the office wondering what all the commotion was about.

“How can you say I’m acting ridiculous without even hearing what I have to say?” Oikawa was now heated, he stood up from his chair and clenched his fists, his father followed right behind. “So what do you have to say for yourself? Tell me son. That you just want to throw away your future? Is that why you didn’t bother to figure out what to do after high school? Do you know how disappointed I am in you right now?” Oikawa’s mom had to step in after hearing that. 

“Honey! What’s come over you!? Why would you say something like that?” Despite her efforts to calm things down, his father continued. “ I just can’t understand. You should know what to do with your future by now. Your mother and I had high expectations for you, and you’re not even bothering to even try to meet them. You’re letting us down Toru, your sister and Hajime have moved ahead, why can’t you do the same?” Oikawa’s mother gasped, his father widened his eyes in realization of what he had just said, Oikawa simply stood there, eyes watering, head hanging low. That was a low blow. His parents were the only people besides Hajime who knew just how insecure Oikawa was. To hear those things coming from his father, was simply heart breaking. Oikawa felt like the biggest disappointment in history. He was feeling mad, sad, anxious, insecure, all of those things together. He didn’t know how the conversation had ended up like that. All he wanted to do by admitting to be indecisive, was maybe get some advice from his father. He felt that surely, his father would help him figure things out. This particular situation just proved what Oikawa already knew; he should absolutely never show his feelings to other people. Hiding his concerns and worries was the only way to avoid incidents like this. For a moment he thought that things could turn out okay, he was wrong. Oikawa’s mom reached out to grab his hand but he stepped back instinctively. He lifted his head up slowly, looking his father in the eyes, tears already spilling. Oikawa has always been a sensitive child, his parents knew that. His father knew better than to run his mouth about him, he knew better but it all happened in the heat of the moment and he let it slip out. 

“Oika—“ he started but was cut off

“You know dad.. I didn’t mean to make you feel disappointed. It’s true that I am confused about what path to take but I— I never once intended to..” his voice broke and his mother’s eyes softened. 

“I was just hoping you could help me figure things out” He continued. “I didn’t think it would be such a nuisance to you..” 

“Toru it’s not like that” his mother tried but it was already too late. Things were said, feelings were hurt, and Oikawa’s trust was already beginning to crumble. 

“I wish you would have just heard what I had to say dad. I guess it’s better this way, now I know how you truly feel about me.” 

Oikawa’s dad tried to speak once again, he wanted to apologize, he wanted to take it all back, to tell his son that that’s not how he felt. It was true, that really isn’t how he felt. He didn’t even know why he had said that to begin with. Never once had he been anything less than proud of his son. Perhaps he was just shocked that he didn’t get the reply he expected... 

“Son, I didn’t mea—“ he started but Oikawa was already heading out the door. 

“I apologize but I don’t feel like being here at the moment. Please excuse me from the dinner mother. Tell the Iwaizumis I had something to tend to.” And with that, he was out the door. He grabbed his jacket and keys, put his shoes on and headed out. Oikawa could hear his parents calling after him but he didn’t stop. He walked out of the house and ran as fast as possible, tears still falling from his eyes.


	4. Supportive Friends

Matsukawa was furious. He was feeling extremely irritated. Oikawa had showed up at this front porch around 20 minutes ago looking like a mess. He was panting heavy, sweating, with a tear stained face, and messy hair. At first, he had assumed that his friend had finally confessed to Iwaizumi and had gotten rejected. He was ready to comfort his friend with a warm hug and encouraging words. He led Oikawa down to his room and brought him a glass of water to try and calm him down. After a solid 5 minutes of Oikawa trying to catch his breath and settle down, he began crying. Matsun gave him and apologetic look, he really thought that Oikawa had gotten rejected up until Oikawa started venting about what had happened between him and his dad. He was full on sobbing now, covering his face with his hands, tears still spilling out. Matsun could only pat his friend in the back. He himself was angry hearing about this, but he couldn’t allow himself to show it. Not when his friend was still a mess of tears. He would rant about it after Oikawa had calmed down. You see, Matsukawa himself had a complicated relationship with his father, so he knew what it felt like to be talked down like that and It didn’t feel good. It left you feeling like shit, that much he knew. He deeply cared for his friend so of course he felt angry. 

After Oikawa had calmed down, they decided to call Makki over since he was good at giving advice. Besides, Oikawa wanted to eat milk bread so they asked him to stop by the bakery and bring some with him. He arrived shortly after, and they settled down into a conversation about tho whole thing. 

“I cannot believe he said something like that. What the fuck is wrong with him? He’s your father for fuck’s sake!” Okay, Makki was being more explosive than they had anticipated. 

“I don’t know to be honest. I didn’t think he thought that way about me. I don’t know what brought this on” Oikawa replied.

“Well whatever got into him better get out. I don’t wanna have to throw eggs at your dad’s car for being an asshole.” Matsun followed. The three of them laughed at that. Oikawa was very fortunate to have friends like these two. He knew he could talk to Iwa about this as well, but he didn’t feel like opening up to him at the moment. Opening that can of worms would most likely reveal everything else that he was stressed about. Besides, Iwaizumi was currently at the dinner party. That’s the last place Oikawa wanted to be at right now. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a phone ringing. It was Makki’s phone. Oikawa had turned his off after receiving several calls and text messages from his parents. 

“Hey bro, what’s up?” Makki said after picking up the phone. He shot a look at Oikawa. 

“Do I know where Oikawa is? Uhh what do you mean?” Oh. It was Iwaizumi huh? I guess that was expected. He probably tried calling Oikawa but was sent to voicemail. Makki tried to deviate the conversation but it was useless. He put the phone on speaker for Oikawa to hear, both him and Matsun remained silent. 

“Listen Makki, I know you know something. He has been acting super sus lately and now he’s not even at the dinner party. His parents look stressed out too” 

“Uhh what dinner party? I don’t know what you’re talking about bro..” Makki replied. 

“Please Makki, you suck at lying. I can tell you’re lying right now. I understand if you can’t tell me what’s going on but at least tell me where he is and if he’s okay” 

Makki looked at Oikawa, he was about to crack. Oikawa mentally facepalmed

“Fine, you win” he let out a defeated sigh. Oikawa panicked, shaking his head vigorously. Makki gave him a reassuring look. “He’s okay. I can’t tell you where he is, or what exactly is going on. In fact, I myself don’t know everything that’s happening, but I can tell you that he’s okay right now.”

Iwaizumi let out a breath of relief “Thank God he’s okay.. Is he with you??”

Makki was quick to reply “Uh.. hey bro I gotta go now” 

Iwaizumi quickly followed “Makki wait are you—“ Makki hung up. 

The three of them relaxed immediately after. 

“Well that was close” said Matsun 

“Tell me about it” Makki replied. The three of them broke into a pit of laughter after that. They ordered a pizza and started chatting about irrelevant things like the fact that western people drove on the opposite side of the road and how mint icecream tasted like toothpaste. At that point Makki and Matsun were merely trying to keep Oikawa distracted from what had happened. It wasn’t necessarily working but Oikawa didn’t want them to know that. 

After a couple of hours, Oikawa decided to head home. He would have to go back at some point during the evening anyways. Besides, he didn’t want his mother to worry. After all, the discussion he had with his father wasn’t really her fault. There was no need for her to pay the price. He would just ignore his father to the best of his ability. Makki had decided to stay the night. Matsun’s mom was out of town so he would be home alone anyways. 

Oikawa was sitting by the entrance putting his shoes on and before he headed out, Matsun mustered up all his courage and asked “Hey Oikawa.. I know this is the last thing you want to hear right now but.. why are you being so indecisive about your post high school life?” He said that in the softest way possible, and Oikawa couldn’t be mad at him. He could tell that he was actually concerned. Before Oikawa replied, he continued “I know you’ve been stressed about the situation with Iwaizumi and your confusion about your sexuality, but I had no idea you were stressing about something like this as well. No wonder you’ve been losing your mind lately..” he finished. Oikawa chuckled at that, understanding what he was trying to say.

“Well the truth is.. I’ve been thinking about leaving the country.” He said 

Matsun was shocked. He couldn’t even articulate words to say “Huh??? Leavi— you’re? Wait.. wh—“ 

Oikawa just smiled “I know.. that’s why I’ve been having trouble deciding. I mean, I love Japan you know? This is my home, I feel so comfortable here.. but at the same time..” Oikawa took a long pause before continuing. “Okay this may sound crazy but hear me out. The University of Tokyo has a really cool internship program for people with sports scholarships. They allow you to study abroad for two years, if you get scouted by a league team from the country you choose that is. And I know it sounds crazy but I really want to try it out you know?” Oikawa finished. This felt good, it felt good to finally let that off his chest. He hadn’t told anyone about that, not even Iwa-Chan. 

“Okay..” Matsun started, “I mean, I am very shocked but.. If you want to do it Oikawa, I think you should go for it.” 

Oikawa was glad to hear that. He was having the conversation he had hoped to have with his dad, but with Matsukawa instead. It may not be exactly what Oikawa was expecting, but it was nice. It felt nice to know he had his friend’s support. Maybe sharing his feelings with other people wasn’t such a bad thing after all. Which is why he continued “Yeah but that’s not all. The country I chose was Argentina. That’s like— all the way on the other side of the world. And there’s the language barrier too! I don’t speak Spanish you know? I barely know the basics.. and being so far from my family and friends.. so many things are going to be different, like the food and the people and I just.. I don’t know if that’s the right thing to do.” After he finished, he looked at Matsun who seemed to be in deep thought.

“Mmm you’re right.” He said, and Oikawa felt disappointed immediately. “But you know Oikawa... I think you should do it.” Matsun looked dead serious. 

“What do you mean?” Oikawa asked.

“Well, you’re absolutely right. It will be extremely difficult. In fact, I don’t think I could do it. But I know you can. I mean, it’s you we’re talking about. You can do just about anything if you put your mind to it.” He paused and continued when Oikawa didn’t say anything, “ I mean think about it. The language barrier? You speak fluent Volleyball. No need for you to worry about that, you could blend into any team easily. School? Well if they offer this program I’m sure they must have an arrangement to make things work. I don’t think they’ll send you to a Spanish class knowing you will fail. The food? Well you’re right, food will most likely be different, but I’m sure as long as they have milk bread you will be fine. It’ll only be for two years, and it will be an amazing learning experience in your volleyball career. You don’t know where you’ll end up in the future, if you do this now, it’ll give you a huge advantage if you ever decide to go international.” Oikawa didn’t know what to say. That just about summed it up. Still, he didn’t know if that was the right thing but Matsun was making it sound real easy. 

“He’s right.” Makki said. He had been standing by the stairs and happened to hear the whole conversation. Oikawa rolled his eyes. “You were eavesdropping Makki?” He asked, unamused. 

“No. You guys were being loud. I ain’t deaf.” He said, looking bored. “Anyways, i think Matsun is right. You would do really well over there. Plus, I can tell you’re passionate about it.” Is all he said. Oikawa looked down at his nails, trying to distract himself. They did have a point, but that wasn’t all he was worried about. 

“I’m sure you’re worried about other things though, right?” Makki continued, almost as if he could read Oikawa’s mind. “You’re worried about what will happen after you come back, right? You’re worried about losing the offers from the league teams you already have, and if you’ll be able to adapt yourself back into the Japanese system, right?” Oikawa just nodded. 

After a long pause, Matsun picked up saying “Okay, well.. we can’t tell you what to do but I will say this, you can worry about those things when they actually happen. If I had a chance to do something that I really wanted and just let it slip, I would regret it and feel disappointed. If you really want to do that, no, if your heart is pushing you to do that, you should definitely go for it.” 

Oikawa looked back at his two friends, eyes watering with contentment. 

Makki followed right behind “Yeah what he said” pointing at Matsun. “Now go home, before it gets too late. I heard it’s going to rain later tonight.” He said, trying to mask how emotional he had gotten. 

Oikawa smiled at them “Thanks guys, thank you for everything” he said before heading out. Matsun closed the door right after, and turned to Makki who was nothing away from crying. 

“Dammit, Oikawa makes me emotional” He said, rubbing his eyes to cover up his tears. Matsun chuckled at that. “Come here babe..” he said, pulling the other into a warm hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading this. I feel like the story is developing quite slowly so I’ll try to fix that, I don’t want to drag things on. Next chapter you’ll be able to read a bit more from Iwaizumi’s point of view so hopefully that’ll make the story tie up better :))


	5. What’s On Your Mind

Oikawa was on his way home. He was walking slower than usual, trying to delay his arrival as much as possible. He didn’t intend to talk to his father about the previous incident, all he wanted to do was get home so his mother would not worry. He had already formulated a plan in his head of how things were going to go. First, he would get home and greet his mother, and then head straight to his room and go to sleep. If either of them tried to bring up the argument, he would simply say that he did not want to talk about it. The plan was perfect, it was simple and had no flaws. However, as Oikawa neared his residence things suffered a set back. Iwaizumi and his parents were still there. It was already well past 8:00 pm so Oikawa assumed they had went home already, but their vehicle was still parked outside of his house. He did not think this through, this was going to go terribly. Their families were close, he was sure that Iwa’s family was going to ask about his whereabouts, and possible ask him to stay in the living room until they left. If things went down that route, they would surely inquire about his plans for college and so on. Now standing at the front of his house, Oikawa was beginning to get anxious. He stood there for a good 5 minutes before chickening out and walking away. He didn’t know where he was going but he wasn’t going to his house, that was for sure. Little did he know, someone had seen him from the window of his own room and was headed straight after him. 

_____________________________________________

Iwaizumi was beginning to lose his mind. He knew that there was something going on with his best friend, but he didn’t think it had already gotten this bad. Something was really, really wrong here. Oikawa wasn’t the type to hide things from him. Sure, he had a bad habit of masking his feelings from literally everyone, but Hajime liked to think that he was the exception. He had always managed to understand the other boy with ease, so now that Oikawa was keeping things from him, it was starting to making him feel unsettled. For the past two years, Oikawa had been keeping a secret. He didn’t know exactly when it started but somewhere around their first year, Oikawa began acting suspicious. It only got worse when they started their second year, it was almost like his best friend wanted to put up a wall between them. Hajime couldn’t think of any reasons why, they had always been close to the point of no return. They had different personalities but they always did everything together, had the same drive and determination, they were basically glued by the hip. These past two years, it was almost like he could feel Oikawa holding his breath whenever he was around. In all honesty, he felt hurt. Seeing that his best friend kept things from him was beginning to put him off. It had been getting worse the past few months. He could tell that Oikawa was very stressed, there were a lot of things on his mind and Iwaizumi couldn’t figure out any of them. Maybe it had to do with the fact that after he started dating his ex, him and Oikawa had grown a bit distant. He spent a lot more time with his girlfriend, and if it wasn’t because of volleyball he probably would’ve spent more time with her than he did with Oikawa. He didn’t think there was anything wrong with that really, he loved his ex. If it wasn’t for the pressure of being third years, they would probably still be together. After they started dating, Oikawa started giving him space, and he was thankful for that. Their friendship didn’t change all that much, they just happened to see each other less. Hajime didn’t think that it would affect their friendship this much. He didn’t notice how much they had grown apart until he broke up with his girlfriend. After that, they started hanging out like before and although he would never admit this out loud, he had missed being that close with Oikawa more than he missed his ex. After noticing the way Oikawa was acting, he really wanted to help him. He knew Oikawa still trusted him but for some reason he couldn’t shake the feeling that his best friend was holding back. His suspicions were proven to be true when he had arrived at the Oikawa residence with his parents, they were ready for a pleasant evening with their long time friends.

Mrs. Oikawa opened the door for them to come in, they had arrived 10 minutes before 6:00 pm. When they came in, Oikawa’s mom excused herself and went to the office to get her husband. She was acting uncharacteristically quiet, it looked like she was nervous too. Moreover, Oikawa was nowhere to be seen. He usually greeted them at the door but he was not around for some reason. It wasn’t until she came back with Oikawa’s dad and directed them to the dinner table that they pointed out the elephant in the room.

“I am very sorry but Toru won’t be joining us for dinner tonight.” She said. Iwaizumi’s parents looked as surprised as Hajime himself. Mr. Oikawa simply looked away, trying not to show how stressed out he was. 

The next one to speak out was Hajime’s mom, “Uh.. I’m sorry but may I ask why? He’s always been present in our get togethers so I can’t help but wonder if he’s okay. Is there anything going on with him?” 

Oikawa’s mom looked at her husband, almost like she didn’t know what to say. He replied to Hajime’s mom after a short pause, “Ah yes, he had some business to tend to today. It was very sudden so we didn’t have time to let you guys know. Everything is okay” he finished off. Hajime called bullshit on that. He meant no disrespect but clearly, something had happened. Oikawa wouldn’t just head out like that and miss their family dinner. Hajime excused himself from the table and went to the restroom. Pulling out his phone, he dialed Oikawa’s number... voicemail. He hung up and tried again, voicemail. He tried a few more times, finally reaching the conclusion that Oikawa’s phone had been turned off. Giving up on Oikawa, he dialed the next best thing. 

Makki picked up his phone after a few rings “Hey bro, what’s up?” He said 

“Makki, I need you to tell me, Do you know where Oikawa is!?” 

“Do I know where Oikawa is? Uhh what do you mean?” Of course he knew where Oikawa was. There was no point in acting dumb, Hajime already knew.

“Listen Makki, I know you know something. He has been acting super sus lately and now he’s not even at the dinner party. His parents look stressed out too” 

“Uhh what dinner party? I don’t know what you’re talking about bro..” Makki replied. Now Hajime was getting exasperated. 

“Please Makki, you suck at lying. I can tell you’re lying right now. I understand if you can’t tell me what’s going on but at least tell me where he is and if he’s okay” It would be nice if Makki told him everything he knew but that wasn’t going to happen. Makki was loyal, he might crack and tell him where Oikawa was but he wasn’t going to rat him out about everything else. 

“Fine, you win” he finally said. “He’s okay. I can’t tell you where he is, or what exactly is going on. In fact, I myself don’t know everything that’s happening, but I can tell you that he’s okay right now.”

Iwaizumi let out a breath of relief “Thank God he’s okay.. Is he with you??”

The reply that came from the other line was quick. “Uh.. hey bro I gotta go now” 

“Makki wait are you—“ and with that, Makki hung up. 

So he was with him.. Hajime thought. That means that his parents lied, Oikawa didn’t have any business to do. He wouldn’t ditch the dinner to hang out with Makki just because. Something must’ve happened between Oikawa and his parents for him to leave like that. Deep down, Iwaizumi was hurt that his best friend had went to Makki about it and not him. That had been happening a lot lately. It appeared to him that Makki knew Oikawa’s secrets, or at least one of them. Although he was hurt, he knew that Oikawa must’ve had his reasons to not tell him. He was still not satisfied with what he found out but at least he knew that his friend was okay. Now he could return to the dinner table and pretend like he cared about the conversations the adults were having. 

_____________________________________________

The past two hours had passed slowly for Hajime. After having dinner, the adults moved on to the living room to talk about grown up people things that he could simply not be concerned with. Without Oikawa there, Iwa felt extremely left out. Not to mention, he was very worried about his friend’s whereabouts too. He knew Makki was with him but that didn’t mean he was okay, emotionally. Hajime walked up the stairs and went to Oikawa’s room. He sat on the bed, looking around the room. This was something Iwaizumi would never dare to admit out loud, but he loved being in Oikawa’s room. It brought back so many memories. So many nights they spent together: playing, studying, cuddling, watching volleyball matches, you name it. He loved Oikawa’s room because everything in it reminded him of the other. It was a nostalgic feeling that Hajime couldn’t get enough of. He laid back on Oikawa’s bed, it smelled like him. He couldn’t help but remember the nights they had fallen asleep together, cuddling until the next day. The bed had changed but the feeling was still the same; warm and familiar. Iwaizumi couldn’t remember when was the last time they cuddled together. Guess it was expected.. they were all grown up already. Still, it made him feel kind of sad. Would they really never get to do that again? He didn’t know why, but he hoped that wasn’t the case, as ridiculous as it sounded. He sat up and walked towards the window, looking outside hoping to see Oikawa come home. 

Iwaizumi didn’t know how long he stared out the window but sure enough, he saw Oikawa pull up to the front door. He was walking slowly, head hanging low before coming to a full stop. Hajime waited for him to come in, he wanted to meet him in his room so they could talk things out. After Oikawa stood in front of the house for a solid 5 minutes, he began walking away quickly and Hajime panicked. Where was he going?? It’s almost 9:00 pm just how long is he planning to stay out? Is he avoiding me? Did he leave because he knows I’m still here? 

Not wasting any time, Hajime darted out of the room and tried going after Oikawa. He would have caught up with him if Oikawa’s mom hadn’t held him back. 

“Hajime- kun do you have a moment?” She asked.

“Uh actually Mrs. Oikawa I was just about to—“ 

“Please spare me a few minutes, this is important! It’s about Toru.” She looked desperate while saying that, and how could Hajime say no to that face? 

“Uh alright, please continue..” he replied. 

‘I will just have to look for him after this’ Hajime thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for continuing to read this!! I’m sorta feeling stuck lately and I can’t seem to find the right words to write for this fanfic but I will continue to try my best!! Also, WARNING!! After this chapter it starts getting angsty but I promise wholesomeness will be added later on hehe >.<


	6. Turning Point

It had been about 10 minutes since Oikawa’s mom stopped Hajime at the door. She led him to the kitchen for more privacy and began explaining what happened before her son took off. Hajime listened intently, and as she recalled the events that took place; everything started making more sense to him. She told him that Oikawa and his father had a heated conversation, she also explained in detail the things that were said and how they escalated into a disaster that most likely left Toru feeling like shit. After hearing what she had to say.. Hajime didn’t blame Toru for leaving the dinner party. In fact, he probably would have done the same thing or worse. Mr. Oikawa was such an asshole! How could he do that to his own son? He knew how difficult it was for Toru to open up, he knew about his insecurities and yet.. 

Hajime was angry. He was not happy about this. God, to think that Oikawa was out there alone probably crying. To make matters worse, he wasn’t with Makki anymore. Where could he possibly have gone?? Mrs. Oikawa interrupted his train of thought by saying; 

“And you see Hajime-kun, I just hope that you can speak with our Toru. You guys have been friends practically all your life, perhaps you can help him figure things out a bit?” Mrs. Oikawa finished off. 

“Ma’am I will do everything I can to help him. He’s my best friend, I’ll be with him whenever he needs me to be” Hajime said, and he really meant that. He really was willing to do everything in his power to help his best friend. 

Mrs. Oikawa smiled sadly, “I know you will. After what happened today it will be difficult for him to open up to us again. His father is feeling very regretful, but the damage has already been done. As much as we’d want to help Toru now, he most likely won’t allow us to do so.” She sounded extremely upset about this whole thing. Hajime knew that neither her nor her husband meant for things to go that far, but what she said was true. It would take a lot for Oikawa to open up to his parents again, especially since he tried but his father didn’t give him a chance. Sadly, that meant his mother had to pay too. Oikawa probably won’t talk to her in fear that she will share the conversation with his father. 

“I just hope that you can be there for him and help him out. He has been so stressed out lately, it’s hard for me to see what goes on in his mind. Im glad he has a friend like you to be there for him.” That was a nice way to put it. Although Hajime has always been there for Oikawa, he couldn’t help but feel like he neglected their friendship. Oikawa had been keeping secrets from him, worrying about God knows how many things. Hajime had been too busy to notice up until a few months ago. He was determined to find out what was happening, and help his friend. 

“Um, Mrs. Oikawa im gonna go for a walk and see if I can find Toru okay? I’ll try to talk to him and bring him home, don’t worry” he gave her a reassuring smile and darted off through the back door. He might just know where Oikawa went. 

__________________________________________

/12 years ago/

Oikawa was 6 years old when he first met Iwaizumi. He was running around the park just like the other kids. Smiling as bright as the sun; eyes beaming in a beautiful amber color. He was new to town. His family had moved to Miyagi from Tokyo after his father got a promotion and was relocated. Oikawa had a hard time approaching kids, he was actually very shy at that tender age. He had been trying to make friends with some kids, until they started to pick on him and he ran away crying. Oikawa was such a sensitive child! he wasn’t used to dealing with things like that; so he ran inside the playground and hid there, hugging his knees close and burying his face between them, he started crying softly. 

After a few minutes he heard a voice asking him, “Who are you?” Looking up slowly, he saw the most beautiful pair of eyes looking at him. A beautiful green color that Oikawa would never be able to forget. 

“What’s your name?” The boy asked

Oikawa hesitated, but he replied to the boy nonetheless. “Toru. My name is Toru.” He said, wiping his tears away. 

“Why are you crying Toru?” The boy asked. Oikawa remained silent, too embarrassed to reply.

“It’s okay, you can tell me” the other boy said. He gave him a reassuring smile.

“The kids were picking on me because I’m new.” He said, and started crying again. “I don’t like it here, everyone is mean” he explained between sobs.

The other boy took his hand and held it tight. “Don’t cry, I’ll be your friend” he told him.

Oikawa stopped crying and looked at him. “Really? You mean it?” He asked softly.

The other boy quickly responded “Yes. I won’t let anyone pick on you, let’s be friends Toru.”

At that Oikawa smiled. “Okay, i will be your friend too.”

They sat there and talked for a while until the boy with the mysterious green eyes looked at Oikawa and said “Hey I have to go, my mom will worry. Let’s play again tomorrow Toru” he said with a smile. 

“Wait! What’s your name?” Oikawa asked. 

“Hajime. My name is Iwaizumi Hajime.” At that moment, Oikawa’s little mind decided that was his favorite name ever. He smiled at him and waved goodbye.

After that day, Toru and Hajime would play together almost everyday. Eventually, they started school together and became inseparable, and that guided their parents to become friends as well. That fateful afternoon at the playground was the start of long years of friendship between the two families. The playground went on to become one of Oikawa’s favorite spot to visit. 

__________________________________________

Oikawa was sitting at the playground where him and Hajime originally met. Twelve long years had passed, and this was still one of his favorite places in the whole city. He usually went there whenever he had a lot on his mind. Or to watch the fireworks during festivities. Sometimes he went there simply to reminisce about old times with his best friend. Whatever the case, this place was the start of their friendship. Who would have thought that this would also be where everything fell apart....

“There you are... I knew I would find you here” Hajime said, startling the other boy. He was panting heavy after running there all the way from Oikawa’s house.

“Iwa-Chan? What are you doing here?? How did you find me?”

“Come on Shittykawa, you’re gonna have to try harder than this if you plan on hiding from me.” The shorter boy responded. 

Oikawa averted his eyes, feeling embarrassed about being caught. 

“Your mom told me what happened.” 

Oikawa simply wanted to crawl up a hole and die. He decided to not reply.

“Are you okay?” Hajime asked, sitting down next to him.

“Don’t ask me that Iwa-Chan, you already know the answer” he finally responded.

“I know, but what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t ask you that?” Iwaizumi said smiling, and Oikawa didn’t say anything. He had been doing that a lot lately, very much out of character. It wasn’t normal for Oikawa to not bite back with a sarcastic or cheeky reply. Iwa took Oikawa’s hand in his and held it tight. He wanted Toru to know that he was there for him, plus that usually helped him calm down. What he didn’t know was how much that simple gesture affected Oikawa. Just having Hajime close to him, and seeing his smile made his heart skip a million beats. Oikawa knew that couldn’t be healthy. This was the worst moment to be feeling like this but Oikawa almost melted right there. Feeling the touch of the other boy never ceased to amaze him. It was always so warm, made him feel butterflies in his tummy. Oikawa loved the feeling.

“Toru I’m here for you okay? I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately but I know you’re bottling things up and that’s harming you. I want to help you. And I’m not only talking about what happened with your dad. I know there’s other stuff you’ve been dealing with.” Hajime said. Oikawa looked at his eyes and saw the sincerity in them. He had to control himself, with the way Hajime was looking at him, Oikawa was so tempted to just kiss him right then and there, so he looked away to resist the urge. 

“I know you want to help Iwa-Chan. It’s just.. not easy to talk about.” He said. And he meant every last bit of that. Hajime didn’t know that he was the reason Oikawa had been losing it. He didn’t know that every time Oikawa saw him with his ex in the past year, it was like someone was hammering his heart and breaking it into a million pieces. Hajime didn’t know that Oikawa was so deeply love with him, he didn’t know how much that scared Oikawa, he didn’t know how much it made him question his sanity. Hajime simply didn’t know, and it was just too hard for Oikawa to even fathom how to tell him.

“I know trust me, but you gotta try. Whatever your concerns are, they’re practically eating you away.” 

“You wouldn’t understand Iwa” Oikawa said.

“Try me.” 

Oikawa bit his lip nervously, and shut close his eyes as he tried to calm himself down. Hajime’s eyes snapped down to Oikawa’s lips as the taller boy’s eyes fluttered closed. It was a habit he had developed over the years. Something that most people would just ignore. Hajime of course, was the exception. That simple action did things to his heart. Iwaizumi was tempted to do unspeakable things to his best friend’s lips, but no one needed to know that. 

“Why don’t we start with what happened with your dad today?” Hajime asked clearing his throat in an attempt to distract himself.

Oikawa sighed “It was a stupid argument. I shouldn’t have trusted him anyways but he’s right. The fact that I still don’t know what I’m doing after high school is fucking lame.” Oikawa said. He let go of his friend’s hand and ran it through his soft hair. 

“Shittykawa don’t say that. Your dad was being an asshole. You probably have your reasons to still be taking your time, there is nothing wrong with that. Besides, he didn’t mean those things. Your parents are incredibly proud of you.” Iwa responded sincerely. He pulled the taller male in for a hug. He could tell that Oikawa needed it, after everything that had happened. 

Oikawa quickly relaxed into the hug. He truly did love this feeling. Damn, why did Hajime have to be so perfect. 

They stayed like that for the longest until Hajime pulled away. Oikawa seemed to have calmed down more.

“Hey crappykawa, can I ask you something?” 

“You just did Iwa. What is it?”

Iwaizumi took his sweet time. Oikawa could tell he was looking for the right words to ask him whatever questions he wanted answered. 

“No other way to say this really, but what have you been keeping from me for these past two years?” Welp, that was that. 

Oikawa immediately tensed up. His eyes almost popped out and he looked away faster that he could blink. Oh God. He knew? Hajime knew that he had been keeping something from him.. ‘Of course he knew! Gosh what was I thinking? Makki said I was super obvious’ Oikawa thought. He figured this was probably the best moment to confess his feelings to Hajime. Well, not his feelings, never his feelings! If things went to shit, he would just tell him that he liked a guy. 

“What the hell are you talking about Iwa? I haven’t— I didn’t— I don’t keep things, I don’t know what you’re talking about dude” Oikawa was panicking.

“Oikawa there’s no point in lying, you suck more than Makki. If you don’t trust me just say that but don’t lie to my face like that. And don’t call me dude! I don’t like it.” Hajime replied, arguably upset. “I mean, am I really that bad of a friend that you have to hide things from me for years?” He asked, sounding dejected. Oikawa couldn’t take it anymore, he hated when his best friend was sad, especially if it was because of him. Maybe it was time to finally tell him.

He sighed, thinking about how bad of an idea this was. “No, no Iwa it’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s just.. it’s hard for me to even talk about.” He said, Hajime nodded and looked away. 

“Iwa look at me..” Oikawa said. He brought his hand up to cup Hajime’s cheek, caressing it with his thumb slowly. Hajime immediately relaxed and nuzzled his face in Oikawa’s hand. After seeing that reaction Oikawa panicked. He felt electricity on his hand, his heart started beating faster and he was 100% sure that he was blushing. When he felt Iwaizumi’s eyes on him, Oikawa quickly retracted his hand and continued talking. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, promise me that you’ll let me explain things first okay?” The other boy nodded and Oikawa took a deep breath. This was happening, it was finally happening. Wait.. it was happening?? Before he could chicken out, Oikawa blurted.. 

“I like a guy.” He said, head hanging low. 

“What?” Hajime asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Oikawa bit his lip. “I said, I like a guy. I’ve been in love with a guy for the past two years.” He said, looking Hajime in the eyes this time. He couldn’t read what the other boy was thinking. 

“You— you like.. a guy?” Oikawa nodded, still very nervous. “As in— you’re like- Oikawa are you gay?” Hajime asked a bit louder this time. Oikawa didn’t know what that look on his face was but it didn’t look like support to him. 

“N-no!” He stammered. Iwaizumi stood up from the playground and stepped a little bit far back. Oikawa panicked so he tried to explain himself. “I found out I liked this guy back in freshman year. It is true that I’ve liked him for two years but I’m not gay okay?” 

Iwa shook his head “Yes you are! You like a guy! Gosh Oikawa you’ve been in love with a dude for two years, how is that not gay?” He was beginning to raise his voice, Oikawa didn’t like where this was going. 

“I am not! Listen Iwa-Chan, i just— I do like him but he’s the only boy I have ever liked okay? That doesn’t necessarily make me gay. I have been- I’ve been trying to just figure out what I am but I— still I’m confused about my sexu—“ Iwaizumi cut him off at that. 

“That’s bullshit Oikawa you are gay! For fucks sake you’re gay and you just hid it from everyone, what the fuck? That’s messed up! Why would you even like some guy in the first place? You’ve probably known your whole life” Now that wasn’t fair. Hajime was making his own conclusions and assuming things on his own, not to mention, he was trying to make Oikawa feel bad about it. Let’s just say that it was working. Oikawa began to hyperventilate, his hands were shaking and he was crying. 

“Hajime please listen to me, you’re not being fair. I didn’t know until two years ago, please believe me. I don’t know why I like a guy, I can’t control it—“ he tried reaching for his arm but Hajime pulled away. He looked at him with so much disappointment. That look in his eyes.. it scared Oikawa. He didn’t want to loose his best friend, this was a mistake, he should have kept this hidden forever. 

“Listen to me Oikawa. Im gonna do you a favor and I’m gonna go back to your house and pretend like this conversation never happened.” Hajime said to Oikawa. At this point, the forecasted rain was beginning to fall. 

“Hajime please hear me ou—“ Oikawa was full on sobbing now. 

“I don’t want to hear another word about this shittykawa. I don’t need to know about this anymore than I already do. I appreciate our friendship so like I said, I will pretend like this night never happened. I’ll see you at home.” And with that, he took off. Leaving a very heartbroken Oikawa Toru out in the rain calling after him. Hajime not once turned back to look at Oikawa. He really did just go home like nothing happened. He seriously intended to forget about that night like Oikawa hadn’t just poured out his heart. He seriously... 

Oikawa was kneeling down, sobbing. Rain now pouring down on him hard. The night was cold, Oikawa was trembling, his hands shaking uncontrollably. What was he supposed to do now? The one person whom he thought would support him, had casted him aside like a weird insect. Like he had any control in the people that he fell in love with. If he felt like that after knowing Oikawa liked a guy, how would he react if he knew that he was actually the guy Oikawa was so deeply in love with. Just thinking about it made Oikawa sick. He didnt think he would ever feel that kind of pain, yet here he was.. heartbroken beyond repair. 

Oikawa didn’t know how long he stayed out in the rain, and it’s not like he could have checked either. His phone was no longer working. It was no surprise, since it wasn’t waterproof or anything, and it’s not like Oikawa had tried to find refuge from the raging storm. After the thunder and lightning started, Oikawa stood up and began walking. No, he was not going home. That was the last place he wanted to be at that moment. He began walking back to Matsun’s house.. walking slowly, hugging himself, trembling from the cold. His clothes were now soaked, not providing any warmth or protection. After what felt like an eternity, he arrived at Matsun’s house. He knocked on the door but the lights were off inside, so he assumed the boys were probably sleeping. Oikawa hated himself for bringing more trouble to his friends, feeling guilty he began walking away. He had been out in the pouring rain for hours now, he was feeling dizzy and had a terrible headache. Still trembling, he tried walking away but didn’t even make it past the front yard of Matsun’s house, passing out in the middle of it. That was the last thing he remembered from that night. 

__________________________________________

Oikawa was woken up by the annoying sound of a machine beeping. Slowly opening his eyes, he tried adjusting to the bright light in the room. He tried sitting up but winced after feeling a sharp pain on the back of his head. ‘Where the hell am I?’ He thought to himself. The last thing he remembered was passing out at Matsun’s front ya— ‘oh...’ he thought. He looked around the room taking in his surroundings, quickly deducing that he was at the hospital. 

Makki was sitting on a chair next to his bed, he was sleeping but woke up when he felt Oikawa stirring. His eyes widened, he looked shocked and relieved at the same time. 

“Oikawa!!! You’re awake omg you’re finally awake” He exclaimed. 

“What happened?” Oikawa asked, a bit confused. His voice was low and groggy, probably from dehydration. 

“Well you were passed out in front of the house when I opened the door on Saturday. You were trembling and had a fever. You also hit your head when you passed out on the floor. My guess is that you fainted.” Makki explained, and Oikawa just nodded, remembering the events of Saturday night. Wait, Saturday night?

“What day is it?” He asked, voice cracking. 

“Uhh today is Tuesday. Let me go get the doctor” Oikawa’s eyes widened. 

“Wait Makki what about my parents?” Oikawa asked, slightly panicked. 

“Huh? Oh! Don’t worry they know. They’ve been visiting you. Your mom has barely left your side. Your dad too! They just went home to shower and rest a little bit. I offered to stay here. I’ll call them right away.” 

“Oh.. thanks Makki” Oikawa replied, he couldn’t stop himself from asking the next question “Has Iwa been around here?” He asked, cautiously. Part of him wished Saturday night hadn’t happened. He wished it had been a nightmare. Makki shook his head slowly “Im sorry, but I haven’t seen him around here. Matsun hasn’t either.” He said apologetically. Ouch. Makki then left to get the doctor and call Oikawa’s parents to tell them he had woken up. 

_______________________________________

Oikawa’s parents had been informed of his awakening. They were on their way back to the hospital, and so was Matsun. The doctor had already done the regular check up on Oikawa and explained why he was there. Apparently, being out in the cold rain caused his temperature to rise. Plus, the doctor said that if he had been stressing that day, it may have caused the headache that led him to feel dizzy, eventually causing him to faint. He hit his head when he fell and that’s what caused him to stay unconscious for three days. The doctor ordered a more thorough check up to make sure there wasn’t any permanent damage, he would be kept in the hospital for observation and then be released on Thursday. The doctor ordered Oikawa to not attend volleyball practice for one more week. He would have to come back to the hospital to make sure everything was okay, and would be cleared for practice after that. Needless to say, Oikawa wasn’t very happy about that, but at least he wouldn’t have to see Iwa at practice for almost two weeks. 

He was eating a meal the nurse brought him when Makki asked..

“Hey Oikawa, what were you doing back at Matsun’s house at midnight?” 

Oh.. midnight. That means Oikawa had stayed out in the rain for three whole hours. No wonder he ended up at the hospital, he thought. 

“I just.. stayed out I guess” he responded.

“Your parents say that you never got home. You left after 8 Oikawa. What happened to you? Why did you stay out in the rain like that?” Makki sounded very concerned. 

Oikawa couldn’t help but be honest with him. He would have to tell him sooner or later. “I talked to Iwa at the park.” He said.. Makki waited for him to continue. “I told him that I liked a guy. I was telling him about my struggle with my sexuality for the past two years.. he just— he freaked out” Oikawa finished off. 

“That son of a bi—“ Makki started but was cut off when Matsun barged in the room. 

“Oikawa I am so happy you’re okay!” He exclaimed as soon as he saw his friend. 

“Shut up Matsun, we’re in the middle of something here” Makki said, the other boy immediately shutting up. “What exactly did he say?” Makki asked Oikawa.

“He basically just called me out for being gay, said that I hid it for two years and probably knew my whole life, he also pretty much shamed me for liking a guy. He was upset because I hid my sexuality from him” Oikawa said, trying not to sound too dejected. He failed, his voice started cracking and his eyes began to water. “He said that he’ll forget about me telling him to save our friendship and then he went home. That’s when it started raining, I knew he would be at my house so I just stayed at the park until the thunder started.” Oikawa finished up, biting his lip. 

“Wow, what an asshole.” Matsun said. “You’re talking about Iwaizumi right? I knew it was weird that he didn’t come visit you, he was acting strange too. To think that he would be such a bitch about this” Matsun finished off, clearly irritated. 

“No he is right. I should have told him sooner. In fact, I shouldn’t have fallen for him in the first place, I practically deceived him.” Oikawa said that but he clearly didn’t mean it.

“No you didn’t. Oikawa we can’t help the people we fall in love with. You didn’t choose this okay? You tried really hard to keep those feelings suppressed. There is nothing you could have done to avoid this okay? Stop blaming yourself. Hajime is a dick for what he did. He left you out in the rain and didn’t go look for you, what kind of friend does that make him?” Makki said, clearly not happy. 

“No don’t say that Makki. Iwa has always been a good friend to me. I don’t know what happened to make him act like this, he supported his cousin Keiji when he came out” Oikawa said, quickly coming to his defense. He wholeheartedly believed that Hajime meant no harm in what he said. He even wanted to save their friendship, and Oikawa didn’t want to lose him as a friend either. Though that didn’t excuse the aforementioned events, the last thing Oikawa wanted was to make his friends turn away from Hajime. 

“Come on Oikawa, how can we trust him after he did this to you?” Matsun said.

“Listen, I know you’re probably worried about how he’ll react when you tell him about your relationship, but I’m sure he will be supportive. He was mad at me for hiding it, not at you guys.” Oikawa tried to defend him again. 

“Please, you know that’s not true Oikawa. And this is not about us, this is about you. He shamed you, and mocked your sexuality. Im sure you told him you weren’t gay and he continued to push. You also probably tried to explain yourself. Doesn’t matter if you hid it or not, the fact is; he left you there, and that landed you in the hospital.” Makki said. He held Oikawa’s hand and squeezed it lightly “None of this was your fault Oikawa. If he can’t man up and apologize, that’s just very low.” While that really was how Makki felt, it was also true that he was worried about Hajime’s alleged homophobia problem. He was one of his closest friends and the thought of him not supporting Makki and Matsun’s relationship scared him. 

Makki was right but in Oikawa’s mind, he was at fault. He hid his sexuality from his best friend for two years, of course Iwa would be hurt. The only thing he hoped was that their friendship hadn’t been damaged. Now Oikawa was stuck wondering if he should have never told Hajime about his feelings or if he should have told him from the beginning.

“Can we please stop talking about this? Im tired already” Oikawa said, smiling at his two friends. 

“Why don’t you get some sleep? Your parents will be here soon okay?” Makki said. Oikawa just nodded and dozed off after Matsun took away his now empty tray of food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! It took me a while to get around this chapter. I know Iwaizumi seems like an asshole right now but I promise you guys will get to see things from his point of view soon! Also, I’m trying to find a pattern for the days I update, I’ll probably upload 2 chapters a week or maybe 3 depending on how busy I am. For all of you who keep coming back to read, thank you all for your patience ^_^


	7. The Guilt Game

During the time of Oikawa’s stay at the hospital, Hajime didn’t go visit him a single time. Oikawa was released from the hospital on Thursday and Hajime had not visited him at his house either. He received occasional visits from his volleyball teammates, Makki and Matsun being the most regular ones. His coach had visited him, his sister and her husband had visited with his nephew, Iwaizumi’s parents had visited him (with the excuse of Hajime being too busy studying) heck, even the bakery lady where he gets his milk bread visited him. By the time Sunday came, he had already given up on the idea of continuing his friendship with the other. It was clear to him that the events of last week had been much more detrimental than he thought. To say that Oikawa was feeling guilty was an understatement. Of course he received a lot of moral support from both Makki and Matsun, but that didn’t stop him from feeling like the most shitty person in the world. Oikawa was, to put it simply, the epitome of  
self-loathing. As the weekend went by, he convinced himself more and more that he was a plague that needed to be exterminated along with his useless feelings. Between what happened with his father and Iwaizumi, Oikawa had finally hit what he thought was rock bottom. As usual, he was extremely good at masking it. Having mastered the art of ‘Burying Your Feelings’ by the age of 10, sure came in handy. He had not spoken with his father about their discussion, nor had he contacted Iwaizumi. Partly because his phone was no longer working. It got so soaked the night of the incident that there was no way to repair it. His parents bought him a new one but that one didn’t have Hajime’s number, and it’s not like Oikawa could mail him a letter or anything, or he could; he just didn’t want to. To him it didn’t matter anymore. The damage was done, and there was no way to remedy it. It wasn’t until Monday came around that Oikawa finally saw Hajime, and just like he suspected, things were definitely not the same. 

_________________________________________

Hajime fucked up. He really, really, really fucked up. Hajime fucked up so hard that whenever people fucked up in the future they wouldn’t say “I fucked up” they would now say “I pulled a Hajime.” 

‘I’m such a dick. Why did I do that? Why did I say that? What the fuck did I do? I am the biggest asshole in the history of assholes.’ Those were the thoughts in Iwaizumi’s mind. He really thought it was the end. He honestly believed he had broken Oikawa. Iwaizumi was so ashamed that he couldn’t even show his face to Oikawa. How could he? After leaving his best friend out in the rain, effectively landing him in the hospital. Not only had he broken Toru’s trust, he had also broken their friendship. 

I know what you’re thinking, if he didn’t mean those things: Why would he say them? The answer was simple; Iwaizumi Hajime is an idiot. There was no other way to say it. He is an idiot that doesn’t know how to put his feelings into words and just blurts our whatever comes to mind. He doesn’t take time to understand his feelings before voicing whatever he thinks is right, and sending his unnecessary thoughts into the world; where he can never take them back.

After Oikawa pretty much poured his heart out to him, Hajime took it in his hands, squished it, and made it into mush; successfully destroying it. This shouldn’t have been that big of a deal, it shouldn’t have happened that way, things should have been different. 

Honestly? Iwaizumi was upset. He was upset because Oikawa hid the fact that he was freaking in love with someone. No— scratch that. He was upset because Oikawa was in love with a boy. However, he was also upset with himself. Back when Hajime got a girlfriend, Oikawa was the most supportive person ever. He was nice to her, considerate enough to give them the space and time they needed, and respectful throughout their entire relationship. So why can’t Hajime do the same for him? Why couldn’t he support his friend with the same intensity that Oikawa had supported him? What the hell was keeping him from that? He didn’t know. He spent an entire week trying to figure that out, but came up with no logical explanation. Hajime didn’t know why the idea of his best friend loving some guy bothered him. He didn’t understand why the idea of Oikawa holding hands, or hugging, or kissing some guy made him so angry. It wouldn’t bother him if Oikawa did those things with a girl; because he knew that Oikawa wasn’t really interested in girls. He hadn’t been interested in girls at all when they were growing up. Sure he went on dates here and there, but nothing too serious. Hajime knew none of Oikawa’s dates or flings were serious, but this was. His best friend was admittedly in love with a guy, and that just didn’t sit right. 

Those thoughts were what kept Hajime from visiting Oikawa. He didn’t know how to apologize, or what to apologize for. Needless to say, what he did to his friend was inexcusable. Yet he still didn’t know what to apologize for, and that was the problem. Hajime had fucked up their friendship and still did not know what he needed to apologize for. Until he could figure out what he needed to fix, the idiot just decided to not do anything to remedy his actions. He didn’t go to the hospital to visit Oikawa, neither did he go to his house. As expected, other people were questioning his behavior. Whenever Oikawa would injure himself, Hajime would be the first person to stand by his side and scold him endlessly. It was only natural that people questioned him for not showing concern about his best friend. His parents bombarded him with questions, his teammates did the same; Makki and Matsun also harassed him about it. Only after Oikawa had woken up from his mild coma did they stop asking him questions, and judging by the dirty looks and the ‘accidental’ shoulder bumps in the hall, Oikawa most definitely told them what happened. Which only made Hajime feel worse. He felt betrayed all for the wrong reasons, or maybe the right reasons? He felt betrayed because their reactions pretty much confirmed that they already knew about Oikawa’s ‘crush’. They knew and didn’t tell him. Though he was glad that Oikawa had friends to stand up for him, friends that didn’t betray him after coming out —much like himself— he still felt a pang of jealousy. Thinking that way was definitely part of the problem. This whole thing shouldn’t be about him, it should be about Oikawa and his feelings, yet Hajime was making it all about him and he didn’t exactly know why. 

That Saturday night when he arrived at the playground, the last thing he expected to hear was that Oikawa liked a guy. He went there to try and help his best friend. He went there to offer moral support, not make him even more sad than he already was. If he knew how things would turn out, Hajime wouldn’t have gone there in the first place. He wouldn’t have pressed Oikawa to tell him his secret, he should have left things alone, but that also felt wrong on so many levels. Finding out that his best friend liked a guy.. that just unraveled so many things within him, and he didn’t understand any of it. Every single event from that night carried so much weight, so much meaning, so many feelings. It was all so overwhelming! Its like all the emotions mixed together, not allowing Hajime to distinguish any of them. That night, the hug they shared, holding Oikawa’s hand tightly, Oikawa cupping his cheek and looking into his eyes with so much intensity.. Hajime didn’t know what to make of it, and he didn’t know what to make of what came after either. Which is why he lashed out at the person that deserved it the least. 

________________________________________

Monday morning came too soon for Hajime. He was still not ready to face Oikawa, so he retorted to avoid him and hide the entire day. Oikawa —sharp as ever— noticed his unusual actions. He had a pained look in his face that was just too hard to hide, and by the end of Tuesday; Matsukawa decided he had enough. Hence why he grabbed Iwaizumi’s arm and dragged him to the back of the school. 

“What the hell are you doing?! Let go Matsun” Hajime said, angrily. 

“Shut the fuck up and come with me.” Well that shut Hajime up quickly. 

After they were safely out of earshot from hopefully everyone, Matsun finally lashed out. 

“Iwaizumi I am trying very hard right now not to beat the fuck out of you, so you better have a good explanation for this weird shit you’re pulling.” He said sternly.

Iwaizumi avoided his eyes and tried to lie his way out. “I’m not pulling anything, I don’t know what you mean” it doesn’t take a genius to know that it wasn’t working.

“Seriously? You wanna go there?” Matsun replied rolling his eyes.

“Listen Matsun, I need time okay?” 

“You? You need time? Time for what exactly?” 

“Time to understand.” Iwa replied

“Bullshit. If this is your excuse you might as well say that you don’t care about Oikawa, and if that’s the case I’m gonna need you to say that to his face so he can move on from this toxic friendship.” Matsun said with a straight face, and at that Iwaizumi panicked. 

“No! You’re not understanding me. I  
just— I need to be able to understand how deep this is in order to apologize okay? I still don’t know which part of what I’m feeling is— well I don’t know what’s wrong about it. I need time to figure out what to apologize for.” 

Matsukawa nearly beat Hajime up just for saying that. “You don’t know what to apologize for?! Is sending your best friend to the hospital not a reason to apologize? Is shaming him for liking a guy not a reason to say you’re fucking sorry? Iwaizumi do you actually want me to brake your nose right now? Cuz you’re practically begging for it” 

“Matsun that’s not what I mean okay? Yes I did fuck up, what I did was really messed up, and just the fact that Im saying this is already terrible on its own. This is all hard for me to understand, you just don’t get how I feel! Im not mad at Oikawa for liking a guy okay? Im mad because he likes a guy!” 

Welp that explains nothing. Matsukawa just stared at him with a blank expression. “Is that supposed to explain your shitty behavior?” 

“Agh— yes! I mean no! You don’t get it Matsun— im just.. I don’t like the idea of Oikawa with a guy okay? It doesn’t sit right with me.” 

“Do you like the idea of Oikawa with a girl then?” 

“I think I prefer that, yes” Hajime replies honestly.

“Okay then, you’re homophobic. Apologize for that and leave Oikawa alone for good.” 

“I am not homophobic Matsun!! And I don’t want to leave him alone either. Our friendship is everything to me.” Hajime whined.

“Then what the fuck are you” Matsun asked, annoyed

“I’m— I.. don’t know. I think— I feel conflicted. It’s just that— I kinda don’t want Oikawa to see anyone. But girls are better than guys because he’s into guys not girls.” Hajime stupidly said. He really was starting to sound like a fool, Matsun wanted to punch him for it. 

“He’s not gay if that’s what you’re implying.” Matsun replied 

To which Hajime said: “But he likes guys” 

“He likes ONE guy.” Matsun followed.

“Yeah exactly” 

Rolling his eyes, Matsukawa smacked Iwaizumi’s head. 

“Ow! What was that for?” 

“Okay Iwaizumi ley me see if I’m understanding this right. You don’t want Oikawa to like guys, but you’re okay with him liking girls because you think he won’t like them as much as guys” 

“Yes that’s right.” 

“Okay I get that, but why is it that you can’t apologize to him and move on if you’re really not homophobic like you said? And don’t get me wrong but you really don’t have the right to mandate on who Oikawa likes and who he doesn’t. You’re acting like a selfish bastard.” Matsun said.

“I’m acting like this because something changed. I don’t know what but something in our relationship shifted that night, and I’m still trying to make sense of it. You are absolutely right, I am acting like a selfish bastard, and there is no excuse for that, but this is new to me. These feelings or whatever they are, I haven’t experienced this before.” 

Confused, Matsukawa just said “Im not following dude, you’re gonna have to walk me through it” 

Hajime just sighed in defeat, “Okay so that night, before he told me that.. he kinda looked into my eyes and he cupped my cheek and I don’t know what happened but something happened! It made me feel kinda.. I don’t know but then he said he liked a guy and that made me angry.” 

The boy was hardly making sense with his lack of vocabulary but Matsun had a pretty good idea of where this was going. 

“Ahhh.. I think I get it now.” Matsun said 

“You do? Really?” The other boy asked confused 

“Iwaizumi im gonna ask you something that might sound really crazy.. could it be that you’re not actually mad that Oikawa likes a guy?” 

“No no I’m definitely mad about it.” 

“Bro I don’t think so. You’re not mad about Oikawa liking a guy. You’re mad because the guy Oikawa likes is not you.” Matsun finished off. Of course he knew that Iwaizumi was the guy Oikawa liked, but he wasn’t about to tell him that.

Hajime blinked once, he blinked twice, blinked one more time. “Wh—what do you.. what does that— me..an?” 

“I don’t know Iwaizumi. What does that mean to you?” 

He didn’t know. Hajime didn’t know what that meant. He didn’t know what to think of it. Was he jealous? Is that what this was? No he couldn’t be. It didn’t feel like this when other boys ogled his ex. It didn’t feel like this at all. This was different, he was okay with Oikawa liking girls, he was okay with Oikawa’s unlimited amount of fangirls because they would never actually date.. oh shit. What if Oikawa actually started dating a girl? Iwaizumi didn’t like that either! No no.. no this is not it. This was wrong.

“Are you good there buddy?” Matsukawa asked, kind of concerned. Hajime seemed to have entered panicked mode. 

The boy simply nodded, though it was clear that he was not okay. The expression on his face was letting on that much.

“Hey! Hey hey, I’m sorry Okay? I apologize. I didn’t mean make you panic like that okay? It was wrong of me to assume things bro, im sorry.” Matsukawa said. Somehow that made Hajime feel better.

“It’s cool. It’s okay don’t—don’t worry about it.” Hajime took a few deep breaths. After a few minutes trying to collect his thoughts and calming down, he heard Matsun ask; “Are you feeling better?” 

“Yeah I am, thanks.” 

“See what I did just now Iwaizumi? That’s exactly what you did to Oikawa.” 

Hajime looked up, clearly confused.

“What I said just now? Assuming that you had an interest in a guy? You clearly panicked after hearing what I said. Now imagine how Oikawa felt after you repeatedly called him out as gay. Imagine how he has felt the past two years trying to make sense of what his heart is telling him.” Matsun wasn’t mad. He wasn’t speaking in a loud or angry tone at all. He truly was just trying to make Hajime understand how fucked up his actions were. “Just because Oikawa likes a guy doesn’t make him gay, he got to that conclusion. He tried telling you that but you pushed and pushed until you made him start to question himself again. There is nothing wrong with being gay but he simply doesn’t identify with the term. Do you have any idea how hard it has been for Oikawa to understand himself? Do you have any idea of the amount of sleepless nights he had over this simple thing? Do you even know how hard he tried to hide it from you?” No. Hajime didn’t know. He didn’t know anything at all. 

“He could have just told me” Iwaizumi said. 

“He was scared Iwaizumi. He was scared that you would react like this. Can you blame him? No you can’t. You reacted just like he feared you would. But you know what probably hurts him the most? The fact that he actually hoped that you would support him. Do you have any idea how many times he told me and Makki that he felt bad for hiding his feelings? That he felt bad for not telling you because he thought you would never stop supporting him?” If Hajime didn’t feel like a dick before, he sure did now. “That apology I said just now, did it make you feel better?” Matsun asked, and Iwaizumi nodded. “Then I need you to do that same thing for your friend. If you really aren’t homophobic like you say, I need you to sincerely apologize to him. I can understand that there are some feelings you’re dealing with at the moment, but that shouldn’t be an excuse to put off something this important.” Iwaizumi nodded once again, now having a more clear understanding of the situation, he found himself agreeing with Matsukawa. “Oikawa has a check up at the hospital on Thursday. I told him I would go with him, but I’m gonna step down and let you go. You have one day to get your shit together. If you have other feelings for him, sort them out after you apologize. Trust me Iwaizumi, you do not want to lose a friend like Oikawa. If he leaves and you don’t make things right, that’s something you’ll regret for the rest of your life. Especially because I don’t think your feelings are just jealousy. There’s something else in there that you’re gonna have to figure out yourself.” 

Iwaizumi could feel the sincerity in Matsun’s voice. He knew that he needed to make things right with Toru. He knew that he needed to apologize. Losing his best friend was just out of the question. If he had to put his mess feelings on hold in order to apologize, then that’s what he would do. He didn’t really understand everything that Matsun was saying but he got the main idea. 

“I’ll text you the details of Oikawa’s medical check up tomorrow.” Matsun said and started walking away. 

“Thank you Matsukawa” Hajime replied. This time around he needed to make things right with Oikawa. He needed to let him know that their friendship was still important to him. This time Hajime would make it right. He had to! 

________________________________________

After having that serious conversation with Iwaizumi after school, Matsukawa was headed home when he received a call from Makki. He quickly picked up the phone after a few rings,”Hey babe what are you up to?” 

“Matsun baby!! Where did you go after school? I was looking for you.” Makki replied with a whiny voice.

“I’m sorry, I was having a conversation with Iwaizumi” Matsun replied, he had completely forgotten to let Makki know where he would be.

“Oh shit, how did that go?” 

“Uhh well.. It went okay I think” Matsun said, kind of doubtful.

“You don’t sound very convincing” Makki replied with a breathy laugh, Matsun couldn’t help but smile after hearing that. It was one of his favorite sounds. He could listen to Makki laugh all day long, if possible.

“Yeah I know. He seems very conflicted to be honest. At least he was acknowledging that he fucked up though. I convinced him to apologize to Oikawa.” 

“That’s good. He’s still an asshole for what he did, but Oikawa would be happy if he apologized. He loves that boy way too much” Makki said. 

“Yeah, I don’t think their friendship will remain the same though.” 

“I’m sure you’re right but what exactly do you mean by that?” Makki asked. He knew what happened would affect the dynamic of Iwaoi’s friendship, but he didn’t think the change would be too significant. He figured that at some point, Iwaizumi would come around and Oikawa would forgive him in a heartbeat; given the love he felt for the boy, both romantically and platonic. 

“I think Iwaizumi likes Oikawa.” Matsun said, and at that Makki snorted. 

“You think? Have you not witnessed their interactions these past three years? The boy is in love with Oikawa. He just doesn’t realize it. You think it’s normal for a friend who doesn’t have romantic feeling to behave like that? He plays with Oikawa’s hair, holds his hand whenever he’s nervous, buys him milk bread all the time, he looks at Oikawa with stars in his eyes, heck even his ex noticed those things. Believe me, the boy is whipped.” 

“Yeah but I think he’s starting to notice his own feelings, and from the conversation we just had, I can tell that things will not be the same between them. For better or for worse.” Matsun said.

“Honestly I don’t know how Hajime can be homophobic but still be head over heels in love with Oikawa. That’s a real closeted gay if I’ve ever seen one.” Makki answered, nonchalantly.

“Nah babe I don’t think he’s homophobic”

“Bullshit. Yes he is. We are NOT! telling him about our relationship. You saw how he reacted to Oikawa, and he may be an asshole but I still consider him a friend. The best thing we can do is just not say anything.” 

Matsun laughed after hearing that. “You’re being ridiculous Makki, but if it helps you sleep at night, we can keep it a secret.” Truth was, the two had been dating for almost a year now. The only person that knew was Oikawa, who also happened to be the one helping them get together in the first place. 

Before Makki could say anything, Matsun continued in a very insinuating tone “Besides, it’s more exciting when we’re sneaking around to have our little make out sections, don’t you think babe? I find it rather hot whenever we almost get caught.” 

“Omg you did not just say that!!” Matsun could almost see Makki blushing through the phone. 

“Come on babe, you know it’s true. Are you at home? Your parents are still out of town right?” Matsun continued to push. He knew Makki would break. “How about I come over and—“ 

He was cut off by a very exasperated Makki, “Door’s unlocked. Hurry up before I change my mind.” 

Matsun smirked, turning around to walk in the direction of his boyfriend’s home instead. “You know I never disappoint.” He said, before hanging up the phone. Things were about to get real spicy between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you all so much for reading. This chapter is a bit more focused on how Hajime is dealing with the situation, and what his thoughts are. Its a little bit hard to understand what exactly he is thinking, but I promise there’s a reason for that! 
> 
> Btw, I think I’ll be posting on Wednesdays and Sundays (and sometimes Fridays, depending on how busy I am through out the week) I hope that’s not too long of a time for you guys to wait haha :,)


	8. May I Hold Your Hand?

The fateful day finally arrived. Today was the day Iwaizumi would be apologizing to Oikawa. He had taken a whole day to come up with a very elaborate apology, and explanation. He even practiced in front of a mirror to make sure things went smoothly. While he still hadn’t figured out what exactly was wrong with him or his feelings, he decided to put all that aside. Making amends with Oikawa was far more important than that. Moreover, he really missed his best friend. They hadn’t spoken in almost two weeks, and it was driving him insane. They never went that long without speaking to each other; no matter how big their arguments were, they always came back around. That was the beauty of their friendship. Even though shittykawa was one of the most annoying people in his life, Hajime loved the other dearly. All the head smacking and name calling was only a cover. That was pretty much Iwaizumi’s personality at play more than anything else. Truth was, Iwaizumi couldn’t see himself without Toru, which is why he decided that the apology was long due. Whatever feelings he was dealing with would have to wait.

He was waiting at the front door of Oikawa’s house. It was already 10:00 am. Yes he did skip school for this. Oikawa’s appointment was at 11, so there was no way he could attend school and accompany his friend to the hospital too. When it came down to it, there wasn’t really much of a choice. Iwaizumi would pick Oikawa Toru over anything and anyone. 

Oikawa walked outside, closing the door behind him. He stopped on his tracks when he spotted Iwaizumi waiting outside, eyes widening quickly. Hajime gave him a weak smile and waved at him slowly. 

“Um.. hi” Oikawa said, looking away. He was wearing black jeans, a white shirt, a jean jacket, and white sneakers. His hair was styled to perfection (as usual) and he had a black book bag lazily hanging around his left shoulder. He looked good, Hajime thought. Oikawa always looked good. Hajime had to look away to hide the blush crippling to his cheeks. ‘Seriously what the hell is wrong with me?’ He wondered. Yes he did find his best friend to be an attractive man, but he never behaved like this around him. 

“Hey” he replied, clearing his throat. 

“Uh.. my parents aren’t here” Oikawa replied with a sad tone, thinking that was the reason the other boy was there. 

Iwaizumi’s eyes softened. “I’m not here to see your parents. I’m here to see you” He said.

Oikawa snapped his head to look at him. “Oh.. I’m actually heading out right now.” 

“Yeah I know. I was hoping I could tag along with you?” Hajime asked. He wanted to go with Oikawa, but if the other boy refused, it’s not like he could force it. He would just have to wait until Oikawa got back, or until he wanted to talk to him. Whatever time he needed, Hajime was willing to give him. 

“Matsun is coming with me.” Oikawa said. 

“Uhh actually he told me he wasn’t coming. He asked me to come with you instead.” Hajime said, sounding a little bit confused. He figured that Matsun would have told Oikawa who would be going with him to the hospital, but apparently that was not the case.

Oikawa furrowed his eyebrows. “Excuse me for a second.” He said, taking out his phone and dialing —whom Hajime assumed was— Matsun. After a very one sided conversation, Oikawa hung up the phone and looked at Hajime. He pursed his lips into a thin line before saying, “A heads up would’ve been nice. To prepare for this conversation we’re about to have I mean.” He bit his lip nervously. 

Iwaizumi quickly apologized, “I’m sorry, you’re right. If you don’t want me to come it’s ok—“ but Oikawa cut him off

“Don’t be ridiculous Iwa, of course I want you to come.” He smiled at the other boy and perhaps Iwaizumi felt like evaporating just from seeing that smile. 

They both began making their way to the bus stop, walking in silence. It was awkward. This wasn’t something they ever dealt with, so naturally neither of them knew how to cope with it. After what felt like an eternity, Oikawa finally broke the silence. 

“I’ll listen to whatever you have to say, but please leave it for after my check up. Neither of us know how this conversation will go and I don’t know if I can deal with the results right now. So let’s leave this for after my check up, okay?” He said, biting his bottom lip just like before. ‘I’ll be dammed’ Hajime thought. Oikawa and his stupid habit were going to be the end of him. He reached up and flicked Oikawa’s forehead before speaking. “Don’t worry crappykawa, I’ll respect that. We can talk after.” He said. His eyes moved down to Oikawa’s lip —which he was still biting— and Hajime had to suppress the urge to kiss his best friend. Now don’t get it twisted, this had nothing to do with his conflicted feelings. Hajime still didn’t know what those feelings were about. Truth was, he had wanted to do this ever since he could remember. Oikawa’s lips always looked kissable in his eyes. Hajime figured it was only natural, since Oikawa was an attractive person it was normal to want to kiss him. He hadn’t thought anything of it.. up until recently, that was. 

“Stop biting your lip dumbass, you’ll start bleeding any moment now.” Iwaizumi said. Oikawa immediately pouted. 

“Iwa-chan why do you always have to be so mean. Even when you’re looking out for me, you call me names.” Oikawa said, only half joking.

“That’s because you’re an idiot. Besides, you know how much I care about you Shittykawa.” Iwaizumi replied pretending to be annoyed. In reality, he was loving every second of this conversation. It felt like they were speaking normally again. The awkwardness hanging in the air was now gone. 

Oikawa continued, “Wouldn’t kill you to say it every once in a while.” He said, pouting of course. Hajime laughed, stopping on his tracks. He grabbed Oikawa’s arm effectively stopping him too. Looking into his eyes with nothing other than sincerity, Hajime said “I care about you Oikawa. You have no idea how much I care about you, Toru.” 

Oikawa was stunned. He didn’t think the other boy would actually say that out loud. He didn’t know what to say, he thought that reciprocating those same words would give away his true feelings for Hajime, and that was a risk he was not willing to take anymore. Instead, he settled for giving one of his award winning smiles; a sincere one. Though he was happy to hear those words, the blush making its way to his cheeks threatened to give him away. He knew Iwa could see it because his eyes were resting on his cheeks, and much to his surprise; Hajime smiled. 

“Aww Iwa-chan cares for me! I am an amazing person after all. It’s only natural for people to love the Great King.” Oikawa said smirking. He began walking away in an attempt to hide his blushing cheeks, though he knew Hajime had already noticed them. 

Rolling his eyes, Iwaizumi began walking behind Oikawa. “I take it back. You’re really the worst, Shittykawa.” He said, but he obviously didn’t feel like that at all. He was simply playing along with Oikawa. Hajime knew he was merely attempting to cover up his real reaction; which did not work of course. He had seen the blush on his cheeks, which only made him look more beautiful, in his humble opinion. He didn’t know why Oikawa was embarrassed to show it off, but if hiding it made him more comfortable, Iwaizumi was willing to play along. 

They settled into a comfortable conversation as they waited for the bus, and on their way to the hospital too. Given the nature of their friendship, it was easy to bounce into solid conversations like that. Regardless of their current situation, after deciding to leave the conversation for later, it was easier for the tension to lift; allowing them to interact comfortably with each other for the time being. They talked about everything and anything, joked around with each other, even playfully pushed one another. Everything about their relationship felt natural to Iwaizumi. He missed Oikawa way too much in the past two weeks, and once again; he was unable to picture himself without the other boy. Their bond was something that Hajime cherished a lot. He wasn’t willing to jeopardize it for anything, or anyone. Not even that stupid boy that Oikawa was in love with. Little did he know.. 

________________________________________

“Alright! Everything came out fine, you are good to go.” The doctor smiled before continuing,”I’m clearing you for volleyball practice starting tomorrow. Though since it’s already Thursday I would recommend you to push it until Monday, just to let your body rest a bit more. I’ll go get you a note for the school; to excuse your absence, and another one for your coach, that way you won’t have any problems.” The doctor finished off. He left the office to  
—What Oikawa assumed was— get the doctors notes.

“I’m so relieved.” Oikawa said. 

“Yeah, me too. I’m so glad everything is okay.” Hajime replies. He sounded a lot more relieved that Oikawa actually. It was essentially his fault that Oikawa ended up getting injured, so he felt a sense of responsibility about the whole thing. “So, are you gonna go to practice tomorrow? You know you’re really not required to do so, the season ended and we have less than two months of school left.” Hajime said. 

“Iwa-chan I haven’t practiced in almost two weeks. I need to get better for college.” Oikawa replied. He was being dead serious too. Although he still hadn’t decided whether to go to Argentina or not, he wanted to be ready for everything that came his way, and that meant he had to practice a lot. Oikawa was already accepted to the University of Tokyo, but his application for the exchange program was still being reviewed. He was extremely nervous of whether it would be approved or not, but even if it was rejected he wouldn’t feel bad about letting the opportunity slip by, at least he could say he tried it. On the other hand, in the case that the application was approved, Oikawa was still very much undecided. This was something that he wished he had Iwa’s opinion on but given the circumstances, he didn’t feel like telling Iwa was the right thing to do. Not before cleaning up their mess at least. 

“Shittykawa, im not letting you go back to practice. Not until Monday at least.” Iwaizumi said.

“Iwa you don’t really have a say on this. Besides, if you were going to disapprove, why did you even ask?” Oikawa replied, rolling his eyes. But Iwaizumi wasn’t having it.

“Courtesy. That’s why I asked.” 

Oikawa scoffed. “You’re anything but courteous Iwa. And like I said, you don’t have a say in this.” 

“Yes I do. I’m partially responsible for this, and I’m not gonna allow you to possible injure yourself further. You need rest.” 

Oikawa looked at him so quick that he almost snapped his neck. He couldn’t believe that Iwa was actually feeling responsible for what happened. I mean, yeah it’s partially his fault but Oikawa didn’t blame him in the least. His eyes softened while looking at the boy.  
“Iwa-chan you are not responsible for this, and the doctor already said that I’m good for practice” Oikawa said, matter of factly. 

“He recommended you to rest until Monday. This isn’t up for discussion Oikawa, I really don’t want anything else to happen to you.” Hajime replied sternly. 

Oikawa smirked at that. “Aww Iwa-chan is so worried about me. Im honored! To think that the all mighty ace would care this much.” He said teasing the other. “I guess its understandable since I’m so great that everyone must love me!” 

Hajime just looked at him. He stared long and hard, what came out of his mouth was something that Oikawa was definitely not expecting. “Yeah, you are great. It’s inevitable not to lov— not to care for you. And yes, I am worried. So like I said before; this isn’t up for discussion.” 

Oikawa looked at him with surprised eyes. This wasn’t like him. Hajime wasn’t the type to say stuff like that to him. He would usually just smack him and go about his day. “You’re being weird Iwa. That’s very unlike you.” He said with a straight face. 

“What’s not like me? Caring about you?” Hajime stared at Oikawa, almost in a challenging way. He was feeling kind of bold today. Hajime didn’t know where all this courage was coming from, or why he was being so affectionate towards Oikawa, but he didn’t entirely dislike it, or rather he didn’t dislike it at all. Not to mention, he wanted to know what Oikawa was really thinking. 

“No. Admitting it out loud is what’s unlike you.” Oikawa replied honestly. He knew that his best friend cared about him, he knew that his best friend treasured their friendship, perhaps more than him. However, Hajime was not one to admit those things out loud. He would show how much he cared with simple and subtle actions. For example; playing with Oikawa’s hair and filling his water bottle when it was empty, or playing calming songs for Oikawa whenever he was getting anxious. Hajime never expressed how much he cared with words, and that was okay with Oikawa because between them, sometimes words were unnecessary. Oikawa didn’t know how to deal with this newfound honesty that his friend was offering. Hajime was making it extremely hard for Oikawa to get over him, and Oikawa couldn’t shake the feeling that he was probably doing this only out of pity because he felt bad about what happened. 

“Sometimes you just gotta change things up a bit” Iwaizumi offered. 

“Tsk. You’re no fun Iwa-chan. Teasing you is not fun anymore.” Oikawa replied, not knowing what else to say. Iwa just looked at him and smiled. Luckily he didn’t have to reply because the doctor came back with the notes and they were able to leave immediately after thanking the doctor. They walked back to the bus stop in silence, and rode the bus also in silence. Now that the medical check up was out of the way, Oikawa knew that the next thing to tackle would be that dreadful conversation that needed to be had. After getting off the bus, Oikawa began walking in the direction of his house. 

“Where are we heading?” Iwaizumi asked. 

“Home.” 

“Are your parents gonna be there?” 

“No. They’re working.” Oikawa answered and Iwa just nodded his head.

“Am I allowed to speak now?” 

“I never told you not to speak” 

“Uh— Yeah I know that.. umm wh- what I mean is, like can we uh.. talk about— well you know.” Iwaizumi was really having a hard time getting his words across. 

“Yeah we can talk about it after we get home” Oikawa replied. He was also pretty nervous, but for some reason hearing Iwa stumbling over his words made him relax. He wasn’t the only one having trouble at the moment. Oikawa couldn’t help but wonder what exactly the other boy wanted to say. 

________________________________________

They got to Oikawa’s house and headed up to his room after taking off their shoes and hanging their jackets. Oikawa was sitting on his bed while Iwa sat on a chair across from him. He would usually sit on the bed next to Oikawa but this situation felt particularly serious for him to do that. 

Oikawa broke the silence first by blurting out a heartfelt apology. “Okay so before you start, I just want to say that I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have hid the fact that I was in love with a guy from you. In fact, I shouldn’t have fallen in love with him in the first place. Believe me, I already hate myself for it enough and you are absolutely right for being mad at me. I also shouldn’t have just blurted it out to you like that, it was very wrong of me and—“ He was cut off by Iwaizumi. Iwa couldn’t bear to listen to one more word of what Oikawa had to say. He had nothing to apologize for, it was Hajime that should be apologizing.

“Oikawa you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I was the asshole, not you.” He said, eyes softening. “I said some really hurtful things, and i judged you for something that was out of your control. I’m the one that was wrong. As your friend, I should have let you explain your situation, I should have listened to you instead of lashing out for no reason at all.” Oikawa went to say something but Hajime put up his hand to stop Oikawa from talking. “I will be completely honest with you, I don’t like the idea of you liking some guy, and I do wish you would have told me about this two years ago instead of now. Though I don’t blame you, I did react like an idiot so there’s nothing I can say about that other than I’m sorry. I realize how fucked up that sounds, and I’ll come around the idea Okay? I promise I will. I just need more time to digest this entire thing.” He finished off. 

Oikawa just nodded his head. He understood what Iwa was trying to say, but at the same time he didn’t know why this was so hard for him to understand. For Oikawa, liking Hajime came so easy. He didn’t care whether Iwa was a boy, or a girl, or a cow. Oikawa wasn’t scared of liking Hajime because he was a boy. He was scared of liking him because he was his best friend. He looked down at his hand and asked in such a fragile voice that Iwaizumi wanted to cry. “A—are you.. disgusted by me?” 

Iwa immediately stood up and went to sit beside Oikawa. “No! No no! I would never be disgusted by you Toru. I care for you a lot. Our friendship means the world to me. You are possibly the most amazing person I know.” He said. That still didn’t answer Oikawa’s doubts. If he wasn’t disgusted then why did it bother him so much if Oikawa liked a guy? It made no sense. 

“Like I said Oikawa, I’m having a hard time adjusting to this, and yes I admit that I don’t exactly love the fact that you’re.. well—“ ‘In love with someone else’ is what Hajime wanted to say, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. “but I still care about you, so freaking much.” 

‘Ouch.’ Oikawa thought. Even though Iwa had apologized, his words didn’t exactly come out the way they should have. It didn’t help that he still hadn’t figured out what he felt for Oikawa. So when Iwa stopped mid sentence, Oikawa assumed he wanted to say ‘I don’t love the idea of you being gay.’ because he didn’t know what exactly Iwaizumi was thinking. 

“I see..” Oikawa said, still looking sad.

Hajime couldn’t stand to look at Oikawa like that. He never wanted to see the other sad. He wanted Oikawa to always smile and be happy. He reached for Oikawa’s hand but stopped midway. “M— May I hold your hand?” He asked, looking down at Oikawa’s hand and fuck that simple question singlehandedly destroyed Oikawa. He knew it was wrong, he knew now how Hajime felt about him liking a guy, Oikawa knew this and yet he was still so fucking in love with Hajime. So he did what his heart was pushing him to do and reached for Iwa’s hand to hold it. “Always.” Oikawa said.

“Toru, I am not disgusted by you. Please don’t think that way. I don’t really know how to explain this better to you because I still don’t know exactly what my feelings are.” Feelings? What Feelings?? Oikawa thought. “I promise you that when I figure my shit out, I will come to you and tell you what I really think about this. Please just give me time to sort my thoughts.” Iwaizumi finished off. Still holding Oikawa’s hand, he looked into his eyes. 

There it is. There’s that feeling again. It’s something that Hajime cannot explain. He has never felt anything like this before, it was so unfamiliar yet comfortable at the same time. He felt at ease every time he looked into Oikawa’s eyes, but he still didn’t know what that meant for him. So he didn’t say anything, in fear that it might make things worse. Hajime looked down at Oikawa’s lips, then back up at his eyes. He reached up to cup the others cheek, running his thumb over it softly. Oikawa closed his eyes and sighed in relief, almost like he was hoping Hajime would do that. Iwaizumi’s heart did a somersault in his chest. This was such a warm feeling, he couldn’t help but lean in closer. He didn’t know what he was doing or why, but It just felt so damn right. Oikawa opened his eyes and noticed that they were now only inches apart, he froze when Iwaizumi leaned his forehead against his and closed his eyes. Oikawa was 100% sure his cheeks were blushing a bright red. How was it that Hajime always managed to toy with his heart like that? He didn’t know but this was one of the best moments of his life and Oikawa was not about to waste it overthinking. Iwaizumi opened his eyes and looked at him with an intensity that Oikawa had never seen. Iwa’s eyes snapped down to Oikawa’s lips once again. He began leaning in closer, their lips were inches apart. Neither of them knew what was going on but they didn’t care either. Their lips were so close.. so damn close... they were so close to kissing! If it wasn’t for.. 

“Toru, I’m home!!” Oikawa’s mom called out. Great timing. Oikawa spat out many curses in his mind. 

Mean while, Hajime seemed to have snapped out of his trace. He shot back and put some (very necessary) distance between them. He was shocked to say the least. If it wasn’t for Oikawa’s mom they would probably be kissing right now. Hajime didn’t know how to deal with that. But he also didn’t know how to deal with the fact that he wanted that to happen. This was dangerous. Really really dangerous. He almost kissed his best friend! What if Oikawa got mad at him? What if he told Hajime they couldn’t be friends anymore because of that? What the hell would he do then? 

“Toru, are you not home?” Oikawa’s mom called again. This time he responded “Yeah I’m here! I’m up here with Hajime” he called back. 

“Okay. Come down for lunch the both of you. I bought takeout, honey!” She responded back.

Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi who was looking down in embarrassment. “Do you wanna go downstairs and eat?” Oikawa asked. 

“Uhh ye- yeah. Let’s go” Iwaizumi said. He looked at Oikawa and smiled weakly, cheeks blushing. Oikawa smiled back before standing up and turning to walk away. Hajime pulled his arm, stopping him in his tracks. “Are we cool?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Oikawa didn’t waste a second before replying. “Of course we are Iwa-chan.” And with that, they exited Oikawa’s room and headed downstairs to the kitchen. Neither of them knew what had just happened, and they didn’t talk about it either, but one thing was for sure; their friendship was definitely not going to be the same. For better or for worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, that was a hard chapter to write. Things will be kicking off after this one hehe, this really is a slow burn so I’m sorry about that.
> 
> Also, I’m glad you guys are enjoying it so far, thanks for all the support. It may not seem like a lot but just the fact that some of you keep coming back here after every update, warms my heart hehe ^.^


	9. This Is What Love Must Be Like

“So you think Iwaizumi-kun is disgusted by you?” Makki asked incredulously.

“Yes. What other explanation could there be? Especially after he openly admitted that he didn’t like the idea of me liking a guy?” Oikawa replied. He was absolutely sure of what he was saying. 

“Oikawa didn’t you say that he was the one who initiated your ‘almost kiss’?” Makki asked, once again very incredulously. In his mind, it didn’t make sense that Iwaizumi would be disgusted by Oikawa, no matter how bisexual he was. Especially not after Oikawa had told him about what happened between the two of them. I mean, if Iwaizumi was really feeling repulsed, why would he try to kiss him? For all Makki knew, he had all the intentions of going all the way, had it not been for Oikawa’s mom.

“I don’t know why. All I know is that ever since that day he’s been very distant. He doesn’t ever make physical contact with me, he can’t even look me in the eyes! And every time I suggest he comes to my house, he always makes up a lame excuse like ‘I need to water the plants’ or ‘I haven’t fed my gold fish today’ He doesn’t have a fish, nor does he have plants.” Oikawa said. He did have a point to be honest. In all the time that Makki had know them, Oikawa and Iwaizumi were always super touchy. From fist bumps, to arms around the shoulder, hugs and high fives, sometimes hand holding and playing with each other’s hair too. That was one of the reasons why Makki and Matsun both thought the two were dating when they first met, as did their other teammates as well. It was strange that they were acting so distant lately. Even so, he didn’t think Iwaizumi was in any way disgusted, or at least he hoped that wasn’t the case. Hajime was a very hard person to read; it was impossible to know what he was thinking, but Makki hoped what Oikawa was thinking wasn’t true. If it was.. that may be the end of their friendship. As much as Oikawa loved the other, he wouldn’t be able to withstand this much longer. 

“And this started over month ago you said?”

“Yeah” Oikawa replied , he sounded pretty dejected. “All of this is making me stressed. I can’t even think straight. How am I supposed to make a decision when I have to worry about something like this too?” Oh, there was that too. 

“You still haven’t decided huh? I guess it’s not something you can just dive into without hesitation.” Makki replied. 

“No It’s not, and I’m running out of time. We only have two weeks left of school.” 

“Oikawa you still have all summer and spring to decide if you want to go or not. Since you decided to go to Tokyo University anyways, our semester doesn’t start until September. We all decided to take a semester off, remember?” Makki said. Truth was, Oikawa had gotten an acceptance letter for the exchange program and he was still trying to decide whether to go or not. Makki knew this was something he really wanted to do, and he wanted Oikawa to go through with it. He was confident that Oikawa would ultimately decide to go, but there was no reason for him to rush when he had so much time. 

Oikawa looked away. “Actually.. I need to decide in the next two weeks.” He said. Makki was confused.

“What do you mean? I— I don’t understand..” 

“If I do end up going, I need to start off in the spring semester. It means that I would leave right after graduation.” Oikawa said. When reality started sinking in, Makki began to realize how serious this actually was. 

“Oikawa you can’t leave like that! You haven’t even— you didn’t even tell your parents yet! You didn’t tell Iwaizumi either, that’s too soon! We won’t see you for a long time. Are y—you really.. are you leaving that quick??” 

“I know okay! I know this is serious, and I planned on telling Iwa but he’s been so distant lately! Every time I try to talk to him alone, he practically runs away! And it’s not something I can just bring up in front of everyone either.” Oikawa said. His tone was rising, and he started breathing heavier. He really did try to speak with Iwa about this, but the boy wouldn’t budge! And he just hadn’t found a good chance to tell his parents. After the argument with his father, things were very awkward at home. Oikawa didn’t know how to bring it up. 

“I know that! But even so..” Makki replied, his voice wavered and Oikawa’s eyes softened at that. 

“Hey come on Makki, don’t be like that. I still haven’t decided if I’m going, you know?” Oikawa said, more calm now. 

Makki tightened his fists. He couldn’t stand it anymore. He didn’t want to say this because he hoped Oikawa would arrived to that conclusion on his own, but now that he knew there was so little time left, he didn’t have a choice. “Yes you are! You must. Oikawa you have to do this!!” He practically yelled. Makki took a few strides towards Oikawa and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer. “Listen, I see the way your eyes light up whenever you talk about this. Oikawa you are so passionate about furthering your volleyball career and this opportunity will take you above and beyond. No one deserves this more than you! You’re not a genius but your hard work is so incredibly amazing that you can lead any team you want! This is something that you cannot let pass by. Whenever we say that we trust you on the court, they’re not just empty words. We wholeheartedly believe in you, and I will do that until the end!” 

Oikawa’s mouth was hanging open. Makki had never spoken to him like that. The honesty almost made him cry. “Thanks Makki but I’m not—“ 

“No buts!” Makki cut him off. “There’s no time for that. Hurry up and tell your parents and Iwaizumi so you can get things ready!” 

Oikawa smiled. Did he miraculously decide to leave the country and travel all the way to the other side of the world? No. He still had his doubts. But now he had the courage to at least bring it up to his parents and Hajime. He would make the decision of whether to leave or not, after that. “Thank you, Makki-kun” 

After hearing those words, Makki let go of Oikawa’s collar and pulled him into a tight hug instead.

_________________________________________

Iwaizumi was going crazy. Ever since the day he ‘apologized’ to Oikawa, his mind entered into self-drive mode. His thoughts would go wild, his heart would beat fast, and all of a sudden it was like he didn’t know how to exist around the other. He couldn’t even fist bump Oikawa anymore because every time they made any kind of physical contact, he felt sparks and electricity flying about. Hence why he decided to keep a safe distance. Just by being in the same room alone with Oikawa, he was running the risk of— well doing stuff to him. Stuff that friends are not supposed to do. It had been over a month since it all started, and Hajime didn’t know how much more of that he would be able to withstand before doing something very regrettable. So he called the only person whom he thought would be able to help. 

The phone rang a few times before someone picked up on the other line. 

“Hello?”

“Hey What’s up? How’ve you been?” Hajime asked, trying to make small talk. 

“Cut the crap, you never call unless you want something” the other person replied. Despite how forward he was being, Hajime knew he was only joking. He could tell by the short laugh that followed. 

“Come one Keiji, is that a way to speak to your older cousin?” 

“I should make you call me by my surname. Since you only call me when you need something” the other boy laughed.

“Alright you have a point, but you always help me regardless, Don’t you? Akaashi-kun?” Iwaizumi replied, smirking even though Akaashi couldn’t actually see him. 

“No but seriously, what do you need?” Akaashi asked him. 

“I need advice.” 

“From me?” 

“Relationship advice.” Hajime clarified. 

“Ohhh I see. Are you having problems with your boyfriend?” 

“What boyfriend?” 

“Uh.. Oikawa was his name. I think” Akaashi replied, his memory almost failing to bring up Oikawa’s name. They had only met a few times. Akaashi and him had pleasant conversations about volleyball, since they both played the same position. 

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Hajime said. 

“Really? I thought he was. You guys act more like a couple than me and Bokuto.” 

“I wouldn’t be so sure.” Hajime had seen the couple on a few occasions. Bokuto was a simpleton, and he was as sappy as a boyfriend could get. They made a cute couple though. He couldn’t think of someone better for his cousin. Besides, he had never seen Keiji so enthusiastic about someone before. “Can we meet up? I’ll be in Tokyo after I graduate.” 

“I thought you were taking a semester off?” 

“How do you know that?” Hajime asked confused. He hadn’t told his family about that, except for his parents. 

“Are you kidding?” Akaashi said incredulously. “Have you not met your mother? Telling her something is like announcing it in the family group chat. I’d be surprised if our distant cousins from Thailand didn’t know.” 

‘Well he does have a point.’ Hajime thought. “Im only going for like a day, I have some errands to run, but never mind that. Can we meet up or not?” 

“Sure. Shoot me a text the day before. I’ll tell you where we can meet. I’m assuming you don’t want to come to my house?” And he was right. The last thing Hajime wanted to do was visit his aunt. Especially when he would be talking about wanting to jump his male best friend. 

“Absolutely not. I’ll text you in about two weeks.” 

“Alright. Don’t be a stranger.” Akaashi replied before hanging up the phone. If there was someone who could help Hajime figure out his shit, it would be his cousin. Keiji has always been mature and assertive. He was one of the few people in his family that Hajime could trust. It’s not like there was anything wrong with his family. They were all close. Too close, and that was the problem. Neither Hajime nor Keiji liked having their business discussed by their entire family, so they learned at a young age to keep to themselves. Their family had no sense of privacy. Iwaizumi wasn’t thrilled to wait two weeks to get a second opinion on this matter, but this wasn’t something they could discuss over the phone. And he wouldn’t be able to go to Tokyo until after graduation because of school. Hajime wished there was a better way to do this but he didn’t know how. His only choice was to wait those two weeks, regardless of how troublesome that could be for him. 

_________________________________________

/Two/ /Weeks/ /Later/

It was graduation day. All the third year students were gathered in the school auditorium. This day in particular, Hajime was feeling rather nostalgic. He noticed that his distant behavior had not gone unnoticed by Oikawa, and today was no exception. On this particular day, however, Hajime couldn’t bring himself to act distant with Oikawa. He swallowed his pride —and all other feelings— and decided that graduation day shouldn’t be ruined by his inability to understand his mess of feelings. Oikawa and him had been through all of their years in school together. They graduated Middle School, Junior High, and now High School. Hajime was also sure that they would graduate from College together as well. Today was a special day for them, and Hajime was not willing to ruin it. 

The ceremony went by with all four of them (Makki and Matsun included) acting like normal. Unlike any other day for the past two months, Iwaizumi was feeling more relaxed around Oikawa. They were able to have a pleasant day. No awkwardness or tension hanging in the air. By the end of the day, the four of them were walking back home with their graduation certificates in hand. Makki and Matsun waved goodbye and went off to Matsun’s house, while Oikawa and Iwaizumi continued to make their way home. With how smoothly things had been, Oikawa figured this was the best time to speak with Hajime about the Argentina situation. 

“Iwa-chan, I need to ask you something.” Oikawa said. 

Hajime snapped his head to look in his direction. “What is it?” 

Oikawa looked around. There was a lot of people on the streets today. He wanted to talk somewhere more secluded. “Actually, can we go somewhere more private?” 

“Umm is it gonna take long? I have to go home to my parents. We have a video call with my family later today, to congratulate me for graduating. You know how intense they are.” Hajime chuckled

“Oh okay. Can we meet later today then? If you have time.” 

“Yeah of course, I’ll come by your house when we’re done.” 

“NO!” Oikawa exclaimed, clearly panicking. “My parents can’t know about it yet. Can we please go somewhere else? Like the playground or something?” He explained.

Hajime started having all sorts of thoughts. All wrong, too. He thought Oikawa might want to talk about his crush. Or maybe their ‘Almost Kiss?’ What else would he want to hide from his parents? It’s not like they shared any other secrets! Hajime wasn’t sure if he could actually talk about this with Oikawa, or at least he didn’t want to. But he also didn’t want his best friend to feel like he couldn’t trust him. He wanted Oikawa to feel safe enough to speak to him about anything, which is why he agreed. 

“Alright. I’ll see you later then?” Hajime said. 

Oikawa gave him a smile as they were nearing the intersection where they parted ways. “Yeah, see ya!” Oikawa replied. They each headed in the direction of their respective homes, both thinking about completely different things. 

_________________________________________

Hajime was nervous. He didn’t know how to handle the conversation that was about to happen. Perhaps that’s what caused him to mess up so badly. You see, Hajime has this bad habit of rambling on whenever he gets nervous. It’s like Oikawa’s habit to bite his bottom lip, but 100 times more annoying. Why is it more annoying? Because Hajime tends to speak without thinking, and that is a recipe for disaster. 

By the time he arrived at the playground, Oikawa was already waiting for him; looking as handsome and perfect as ever. 

“Hey” Hajime greeted. 

“Oh hey, I didn’t hear you coming.” Oikawa said. He must’ve been deep in thought. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” Iwa replied sheepishly.

“You didn’t, it’s okay” Oikawa smiled. “How was it?” 

“How was what?” Iwaizumi asked confused.

“Family video call?” Oikawa replied, matter of factly. 

“Oh, it was good. Well as good as it could go. You know my aunts haha” 

“Yeah I do” Oikawa chuckled, allowing Iwa to hear his favorite sound in the whole world. They fell into an awkward silence after that, pushing Iwaizumi to become more nervous; effectively making him run his mouth carelessly. 

“Woah, it’s been a while since we came here. We haven’t been here ever since you came out as gay haha” Hajime said carelessly. 

Oikawa just stared at him, already done with the bullshit. What the hell was Iwa doing? 

“Whew what a night right? Super awkward for the both of us” Hajime continued. 

“What?” Oikawa asked, face bored. 

“I mean, it’s okay you know? Since we’re all better now. Im coming into terms with you liking guys already.” Hajime smiled nervously. 

“I’m not gay Iwa.” 

“Its Okay Shittykawa” Hajime said, clueless as ever. 

‘No it’s not’ Oikawa thought. “Stop talking.” He said. His voice was quiet though, and Hajime almost missed it. 

“I understand now, don’t worry.” Hajime continued, clearly not taking the hint.

‘You don’t’ Oikawa thought. Hajime didn’t understand at all. How could he say that when he had been avoiding Oikawa for two whole months now? Acting all disgusted whenever they so much as brushed shoulders, panicking whenever their eyes met, even if it was for a split second. Truth be told, Oikawa had made up excuses to justify Iwa’s behavior, but this right here just wasn’t it. At this moment, Oikawa started accepting that maybe he was right. Perhaps Hajime was actually homophobic like Oikawa thought. As much as he didn't want it to be true, What other explanation could there be for all this? All of a sudden, realization hit Oikawa like a truck. Hajime was just low key an asshole. Oikawa had been debating whether or not leaving for Argentina would cause their friendship more damage. He didn't want to lose Iwa as a friend, all those years with his best friend were so meaningful to him. But regardless of how good of a friend Hajime had been to Oikawa since day one, was it really worth it to stay behind for him when he couldn’t even respect Oikawa’s sexuality? Was it really okay for Oikawa to give up the opportunity of his life just to save a friendship that was already broken? No it wasn’t. Not when Hajime clearly didn’t take Oikawa or his feelings into account. Not when he was acting like the biggest jerk over the fact that Oikawa was in love with ONE boy. 

“It’s okay if you wanna be gay you know?” Hajime continued to pour more salt into the wound. 

‘Shut up.’ Oikawa thought. He was already feeling angry. 

“I really don’t wanna meet him though, I’m not interested in knowing who it is.” 

“Stop talking” Oikawa said, voice barely above a whisper. The more Hajime talked, the more Oikawa’s heart broke.

“As your friend I’ll support you with anything” at this point, Hajime was just blabbering nonsense. “Im glad you called me out here to talk about this, I wanted you to know that it doesn’t matter if you’re gay, I can talk to you about anything, I don’t like that you’re in love with some dude but I’m here for you regardless of—“ 

”What makes you think I called you out here to talk about this?” Oikawa said. “Do you really think I would willingly bring up the most humiliating night of my life?” Oikawa had already heard enough. He couldn’t bear to listen to one more second of this. “Hajime do you realize how fucking insensitive you sound?” Oikawa finally snapped. Hajime only stared at him with his mouth hanging open.

‘Insensitive?’ Hajime thought. And apparently he said it out loud because Oikawa replied, “Yes. Insensitive. What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you bring something like that up? Especially when you don’t even understand how fucking serious it is.” 

“I do understand, Oikawa.” Hajime replied, sounding a bit puzzled. Oikawa was not having it. 

“No you don’t. Otherwise you wouldn’t be running your mouth like that. Im not fucking gay okay? I like one guy. ONE. And frankly right now I really wish I didn’t.” Oikawa said. He just about had it with Hajime’s bullshit. First he practically landed him at the hospital. Then gave him an half empty apology, proceeding to act all distant, and now this? Was this the friend that Oikawa grew up with? Was this really the friend that always understood him and respected him? No it wasn’t, and Oikawa decided that he didn’t need to deal with that anymore. There was no reason for him to worry so much about someone that showed nothing but disrespect, disgust and disapproval towards feelings that Oikawa couldn’t even control. 

“Oikawa, im sorry okay? I just wanted you to feel supported” Hajime said. He didn’t realize where it all went wrong. 

“Supported? You think this makes me feel supported? You think hearing you say that you don’t like the fact that I love a guy is support? You think I haven’t noticed how disgusted you are by me?” Oikawa said, eyes already tearing up. 

“Disgusted? I am not disgusted by you Toru! How could you even think that?” Hajime replied, feeling equally as emotional. 

“Oh yeah? Then how come you can’t even look me in the eyes anymore? How come you can’t even high five me or pat my back? You think I haven’t noticed how you squirm around whenever I’m close? You think I believed all those lame excuses you gave me just to not be alone with me?” Oikawa said, his face said it all. It showed Hajime how hurt he was. The last thing Hajime wanted, was to make him feel rejected by him. He should’ve been less obvious. He shouldn’t have acted that way, no matter how affected he was by Oikawa’s touch. Hajime more than anyone should’ve known that Oikawa would think the worst of it. But right now, it’s not like he could be honest with his best friend either. He couldn’t just tell him ‘I wanna rail you every time our skins meet.’ because he thought that would just make things worse, and he also didn’t think it was normal for him to feel that way about his best friend. 

“Oikawa it’s not like that, I promise. I just need to figure some stuff out but it’s nothing like what you’re thinking.” He replied, desperately trying to be his point across. But Oikawa didn’t understand him. How could he? When Hajime wasn’t even explaining anything. 

“Please Iwaizumi, Do you think I’m stupid?” Oikawa asked, voice tired. 

“No, I don’t.” 

“Can you just, explain this to me then? Give me a good reason why I should believe you.” 

Hajime didn’t say anything. He couldn’t speak. He didn’t know what to say. Oikawa sighed. He stood up and walked a few steps away. 

“Why did you even have to bring any of this up Hajime? Did you feel the need to humiliate me that much? Do you not realize that was one of the worst nights of my life? I brought you here to talk about something serious you know?” His voice cracked, tears now streaming down his face. Hajime’s heart broke at the sight. He was such an idiot. As if what he had already done wasn’t bad enough, he had to go and ruin things again. Hajime tried to reach for Oikawa’s hand but he pulled it back. 

“Deep down.. deep down I wanted to believe that I could still trust you. I guess I was wrong.” Oikawa said, “If this is how you’re going to be acting, I don’t need it. I don’t need you to break my heart and embarrass me or think less of me. What you might think is ‘support’ for me is just torment.” 

“Toru I didn’t—“ 

“It’s okay Iwa. I can understand why you’re being like that. I also hate myself for this.” Oikawa said, smiling through the pain. His anger was subsiding, self-loathing thoughts replacing it instead. 

“Toru I don’t hate you!” Hajime tried once again, but it was pointless. Oikawa’s mind was made up. 

“Even though I hate this side of me, I can’t do anything about it. I also can’t allow you to keep hurting me like this. I’m gonna let you go okay? You won’t have to worry about me anymore.” 

“Toru please don’t do this. I’m sorry Okay? I’ll be better for you, Okay? Please?” Hajime was also crying now. He didn’t want Oikawa to stop being his friend, he didn’t want to lose him. Despite all this, he couldn’t even admit that out loud. Was this really all he could do for Oikawa? Was this the version of himself that he wanted Oikawa to see? 

Oikawa just shook his head, mind already made up. He was sure this was for the best. He approached Hajime and took him into the tightest hug they had ever shared. “I love you Iwa-chan. I’m sorry for that.” He said. Hajime hugged him tighter after hearing that. He didn’t want to let go, not now, not ever. 

After what felt like an eternity, Oikawa pulled away. Both boys were still crying. Hajime heard Oikawa whisper, “Let me do this just this once.” And before he could ask what that meant, Oikawa kissed him. He freaking kissed him! Hajime felt like he was on cloud nine. His eyes softened, and he brought his hands up to Oikawa’s face to cup both his cheeks. It was such a tender kiss. Nothing about it was greedy or sexual. It was just lips on lips, Oikawa pouring everything out on this one kiss, and Hajime was loving every second of it. This was nothing like the kisses he shared with his ex. Nothing compared to this. It felt so damn right, almost like their lips were made for each other. For Oikawa on the other hand, this was everything he had ever wanted in the past two years of being madly in love with Iwa. The kiss was perfect. Such a shame that it would be their last. When Oikawa finally pulled away, Hajime didn’t say anything. He didn’t say anything when Oikawa stepped back and smiled at him. He didn’t say anything when Oikawa began to walk away. Hajime didn’t say anything at all. He was left standing at the playground, heart beating fast and yearning for more. 

As Oikawa made his way home, he realized how important of a decision he had just taken. How it would affect his future, and the things he could have done differently. None of it mattered though. It didn’t matter because it was already done. His feelings where out in the open, his friendship with Iwa would end there, and he would go to Argentina to try and find some value in himself, as well as pursue his dream. When he got home, he went into his father’s office and called both of his parents in there. 

“We need to talk.” He said. 

His parents looked taken a back. Oikawa hadn’t talked to them about anything serious since the big argument they had. 

“What is it son?” His father asked. 

Oikawa looked them both in the eyes, and with the most serious face he could muster, he said “I’m going to Argentina. I’ll be leaving next week.” 

_________________________________________

Iwaizumi was sitting at a cafe in Tokyo. Akaashi told him to meet him there, and Iwaizumi was now waiting for his cousin to arrive. It had been seven days since he last spoke to Oikawa at the park. Seven days since their first kiss. To say that Hajime had questions was an understatement, but he didn’t want to contact Oikawa without first figuring out what his feelings were for him. It wasn’t fair to keep him hanging on a string and dragging him along. Hajime wanted to do things right. 

Akaashi arrived at the cafe. He glanced around, scanning the room for Hajime. When he finally spotted his cousin, he made his way to the table and sat down. 

“Took you long enough.” Hajime said, taking a sip of his drink. 

“Shut up, I had to get rid of Bokuto. Would you have preferred if I brought him here with me?” He asked, nonchalantly. 

“God no. Your boyfriend is just... No offense but I don’t think he’d be of any help to my problem.” Hajime said. He didn’t mean anything bad by it. Bokuto just wasn’t the guy to call for advice. 

“I know, but we’re not here to talk about my boyfriend, we’re here to talk about yours.” Akaashi replied, smirking. 

“Oikawa is not my boyfriend.” 

“If that’s the case then why did you immediately think of him when I said that?” 

Hajime looked away, annoyed because Akaashi was actually right. 

“Woah, I was actually joking right now. I didn’t expect to be right” Akaashi said, laughing. 

“Shut up already. This is serious.” Hajime snapped. He didn’t mean to sound so desperate. 

“Alright, why don’t you tell me what this is all about then?” Akaashi said, and Hajime did just that. He explained everything from the night he sent Oikawa to the hospital, to the last time he spoke with Oikawa at the playground. He explained everything he was feeling, and everything Oikawa had told him. After he was done speaking, he just sat there in silence, expectantly staring at Akaashi. 

“Woah.” Akaashi said. “You are an asshole.” 

“Come on Akaashi, I already know that. Give me something else.” Iwaizumi answered, rolling his eyes. 

“If I didn’t know better, I would take you for a homophobe” 

“What do you mean by that?” Iwaizumi asked confused. He knew that lately he was acting kinda homophobic, or rather, Oikawa’s lover-phobic. But what exactly did Akaashi mean by ‘if I didn’t know better’? 

“Hajime do you remember when you were little?” 

Iwaizumi nodded. 

“Well, you used to be extremely antisocial. I can’t remember too well because I was only five, but my mom always talks about it. She tells me that when you were a kid, you were always grumpy and lonely. She also said that whenever other kids tried to befriend you, then you would bite them and get in trouble” Akaashi laughed before continuing. “And then your mom told us stories about how you became friends with Oikawa. It didn’t make sense to me. Why would you willingly approach someone when that’s the last thing you would ever do?” 

“I wasn’t THAT grumpy” Hajime rolled his eyes and pouted. 

“Yes you were. Even at our family gatherings, when have you ever actually interacted with our other cousins?” 

“Can you blame me?” He defended. “They’re all annoying.” 

“And Oikawa isn’t?” Akaashi asked him with a knowing stare. Hajime simply looked away and pouted again. He knew his cousin was right. 

“Hajime don’t you see what my point is? After I met Oikawa, and I saw the way you acted around him... I thought to myself ‘this is what love must be like’. The few times I’ve seen you two together, you always look at him like he’s your entire world.” Akaashi said. “Why did you approach him when you were little? Why did you befriend him for all these years even though you call him annoying and crappy? Why do you think it bothers you so much to think that he might date someone else?” 

“That’s because he is my entire world. I want to protect him. I want to make Oikawa happy every second of the day. No one else cares for him as much as I do.” Hajime admitted. 

“Exactly. You’re in love with him. You’ve been in love with him for years, and it’s the same for him.” 

“You think I’m in love with him?” 

“I know you are. You weren’t being homophobic, you were jealous because you wanted Oikawa to be with you instead of someone else. It still doesn't make what you did okay though. You're still an asshole for the way you've been acting.” 

“I think you’re right about all of that, but do you really think I'm in love with him?” Hajime asked 

“Well.. do you want to be with him? Don’t you want to hold his hand, kiss him, and go on dates with him?” Akaashi asked him. Hajime thought long and hard before arriving to his conclusion. 

“Yeah.. those are all things I want to do with him.” He said. “Oikawa is a person I would like to grow old with.” 

Akaashi smiled. “Well there you go. Now that you’ve figured out what you feel for him, its up to you where you decide to take things.” 

“Yeah you’re right. Thank you, I don’t know what I would do without your advice.” Hajime replied. He truly was thankful. Now he could finally fix things with Oikawa. 

‘Everything will be okay’ he thought. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I’m really sorry for the late update. I’ve been super busy this past week and wasn’t able to finish/edit the chapter in time. I was wondering if I should have just split this chapter in two but then the story would be moving too slow. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I apologize because I wasn’t able to edit it as much as I usually do. Also, I apologize in advance because I have a feeling that Wednesday’s chapter might be updated a little late too :/ I’m already so behind with it. 
> 
> In the upcoming chapters, I’ll be introducing the rest of the characters!  
> Hopefully the new personalities will make the story more exciting haha. I feel like I just keep making it more and more boring, im sorry about that! Thanks again for all the support, I really appreciate all of you.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading guys! I hope you continue to enjoy the story hehe. I will try to update as much as possible, don’t want to leave anybody waiting for a long time. 
> 
> <3 <3 <3 <3


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